Monday, May 26, 2014

Memorial to Marilynn

Edward Moore (c) 2014

Ptolemy's planets, playing fast and loose,
Foretell the wisdom of Copernicus.
Dante calls Primum Mobile, the First Cause:
Love that moves the world and the other stars.

~ Vernon Watkins

I.

Sleep arrives in many ways ... its sources manifold, some peaceful, others terrifying ... The direct moment is the nightmare -- that is a promise: everything, it tells you, has been erased, you are starting over! But then you open your eyes to the pale glow of an early morning room, alone, no one to hold, to tickle, to nuzzle, to love.

II.

Do we ever know what we are? I mean that in a utilitarian sense: How am I capable of being a successful human being? Answer: I am not. My face meets me each day, and it ages, only in the eyes. She aged in her soul. My soul is damaged, ravaged, corrupted, taken captive by the sapping monsters of a dream-life ... I never expected that I would love another human being ... So fucking much.

... I never expected to compare all to Her. The ceiling fan that makes my hair messy ... that makes my beer stale ... So I take some Klonopin ... Must sleep. But no Tinder-Box ... Lonliness cannot be assuaged by drugs, no matter how strong.

There were three: a slut, a self-righteous Mother, and a rock-n-roll monster who wanted to fuck behind a diner in a bad part of Philly. I did it all. Felt like shit, and rolled into a gin-soaked bed at 4:00 AM, weeping over my Loss.

III.

Glory! Oh, the shine of eyes, the glint of a smile ... her pretty toes ... smiles real and feigned ... I had a life with her!!! ...

Whatever powers hold sway in the realms above ... whatever emotions echo and reach to the uttermost ends of human worth ... Let me know a bit of them!

... When the sun sets and the melancholy sets in, and I want her voice, whatever is out there, let her know that I do not just love her ... I think of her, daily, and she has apotheosized into an Aeon of my personal Intellectual space.

Direct speech:

Marilynn, you are the Beauty, the Mind, to which I wanted to connect myself, irrrevocably.

I am broken, a fragment ... a shard ... but there is something left ... a little thing ...

A runt of a kitten struggles to follow his mom, and I give him a hand ... Next thing I know, I have a new pet.

No matter how many pieces of my heart I have to pick up, there is a heart left, and it shows.

I hate that you are missing it.

As I miss you.

My Love.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Stanzas to April

Time and again, my feelings let me know
You and I were meant to walk ...
I like paths that are crooked, difficult, filled with no work of human hands, no destiny but what my imagination crafts, demiurge-like ...
You love the paths that are serene, noble, filled with human experience and effort, the love of Nature's brute force, the joy of experience ... the new, the adventurous, the growing ...
How different we are, yet so drawn.
A sweet brief kiss was enough to remind me that I can easily fall into your gentle grasp ... that I can find no fault with you, ever ... that of all the words and deeds that block connection, nothing can possibly separate me from you.

The lovely curls and the brown daring eyes and the smirky smile that makes me shudder with delight at what I know (?) will never come ... the pretty hand on the cup of tea ... the giggle over something I didn't quite get ... wet streets at night, alone, thinking of you ... a cold bed where your form resides, embraced already, and never, yet the hope ... Shit in one hand and hope in the other and watch which one fills up fastest ... Yet I hope and replace nothing with a dream, at least a notion, an image, a drive in a car ... I brought you a little present, all I could afford, and you didn't kiss me ...

I don't mind. Just don't tell me that you don't feel something ... maybe not love, but a yearning ...

To hold you, just for a moment. Your breath, your sweetness, your Life ...

Everything about you ...

Just for a moment

Friday, May 23, 2014

Complaint to Intellectual Beauty

Edward Moore (c) 2014

God is a concept, by which we measure our pain

~ John Lennon

The heart of the atom with electrons: what is humanity in this cosmos? For him, the last

~ Robinson Jeffers

I.

Minds never connect ... always an obstacle ... Minds run rampant, wild, rigid in their ideas, variable in their notions, exempt from criticism because we just do not criticize anymore.

Heartsick at these demons of slavish love, greasy children in tow, using the most abominable grammar and pretending that this glorious Earth that feeds us all was forced into being only for them! ... Tired to the depth of my slowly decaying being at the track-marked teenagers who never discovered the equivocal beauty of the bottle ... Tired and sore over the men who sleep, drug, fuck, and sap the souls of everyone but themselves ... Tired and complacent at my own lack of desire to change any goddamned thing ...

Awake! at the sound of my own voice creeping in ... Statement to the contrary, from Shelley himself:

I vowed that I would dedicate my powers
To thee and thine -- have I not kept the vow?

~ Shelley, Hymn to Intellectual Beauty

I vowed, so long ago, to devote my life to that which I thought (and now know!) was being stripped from me: my love of Beauty, my idealism, my belief that AGAPH OUDEPOTE PIPTEI (1 Corinthians 13:8) ... my devotion to a woman for whom my entire essence rallied -- only to be defeated, at the end ... Only I did not recognize the end when it came ... such was the source of my sorrow, my self-loathing, defeat ...

II.

But a sunrise on a day with no demands ...a spirited romp into a bad part of town ... a kissing of the toes of a lovely female drummer of a punk band after a long & sweaty concert ... a howling and dismal descent into a bottle of bourbon, to rise again, pistol in hand, awaiting all comers ... Making the name known ... being the one who ... who .... who ...

Only to wake up and say, in a frothy voice: This is not me! To remove the clip, drop the piece, walk, walk, walk ... walk ... to a place of security. ???

No more horse. Freud likened sexual desire to an unruly horse, which one must control. I think of a poem by Jeffers, "The Roan Stallion" ...

III.

I want to be the horse.

IV.

Beauty is momentary in the mind, but it lasts a long damned time in the loins.

Overpopulation, ignorance, dances of death, foul music with no tonal center, escapes that cost more than they're worth ... broken promises that were made at diners at 2:00 AM after a night of feasting on ... Lordship over the vast landscape of life that one perceives when young ... Concerts that bring delight, and others that bring nausea and contact high: difference between Perlman playing Beethoven and Page & Plant ...

The mind is indeed its own place, and makes of life what it will. My complaint is simply this:

I IMAGINE A LIFE THAT I KNOW TO BE IMPOSSIBLE, AND YET I STILL MUST LIVE.

Suicide, of course, is for the courageous.

I am a coward.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Demonstration IV

Edward Moore (c) 2014

I.

He loves to sit and hear me sing,
Then, laughing, sports and plays with me;
Then stretches out my golden wing,
And mocks my loss of liberty.

~ William Blake

Poets agree that Life's greatest gift is Love -- of the all-embracing type. Overwhelming Joy that imprisons us, as we attempt to hold fast the one we love -- knowing it to be only for a season (if that!) ...

Such is the manner of existence the great poets have dubbed melancholy.

... if thy mistress some rich anger shows,
Emprison her soft hand, and let her rave,
And feed deep, deep upon her peerless eyes.

~ Keats

If that rich anger, however, is directed at us, what then? The hand and the heart escape our attempts to hold ... to maintain something which, for us, is still lioving and palpating, like sensual flesh beneath a touch ...

No doubt: for those of us with emotions that froth and foam like hearty beer in a mug!

Philosophers have doubted Erotic Love's ability to raise us to the highest levels of Intellectual Delight.

Plato, of course, in his endlessly ironic Symposium teaches us quite a lesson. A lesson that produces a lesion of the heart.

William Cartwright, in his poem "No Platonic Love" summed up the problem thus:

I climbed from sex to soul, from soul to thought;
But thinking there to move,
Headlong I rolled from thought to soul, and then
From soul I lighted at the sex again.

For years the idealism of Platonism tormented my mind, and forced me into structures of existence which are simply not befitting a healthy young man (now old) ...

I think of Isaak Dinesen's tale, "The Old Chevalier," for some strange reason.

.....

Perhaps someone may help me remember?
Of course, I could simply re-read the tale ...
But who wants to re-read a past life?

I grew old a long time ago ... When others called me young.

The unknowing still do.

II.

I should be glad of another death.

~ T. S. Eliot

Dying is an art, as Sylvia once wrote ...

I, however, don't do it well.

I cling to the little things:

The birds outside my window in the morning,

the poems I love,

the music of Bach (played on period instruments),

and good, strong, coffee ...

.....

To die is to experience what Heidegger called "my most authentic, significant moment, my personal potentiality, which I alone must suffer."

But why alone? Does no one care sufficiently about the stranger in our midst?

When I held my ex-wife close at night, and called her silly pet names, I never thought (for a moment!) that she would ever experience my death.

But she did; for she brought it about.

Alone now I pine, knowing there is no such a thing as a human dove ...

Friday, May 16, 2014

Demonstration I

Edward Moore (c) 2014

Revenge is her motive.

~ Beowulf

I.

Talk of a new life
Conceals apathy
Talk of feelings
Costs money

Watching a bold face
Smile across table
Knowing all the time
That she will demur

When the stark face is shown
A capacity
For evil in which
You ignorantly
Disblieve ...
Then!

Her fingers tighten round my throat
As I recall all the past
I make it a ceremony
Fools like me don't deserve to live.

II.

Forgiveness: a Christian virtue.
She is a barbarian
Ready to cleave spleens and skulls
And make art out of my suff'ring
Does she suffer?
Of course not.

III.

You smile at your spermatic
LOGOS
And ignore love as it works
Intently upon your deadened
Mind.

IV.

Partakers of the repast
They hailed him as the best of men
The fall of their lord cut them
To the quick
They cried
Knowing his love was lost
To the grave
Unburdened was his soul.

.....

edhwyrft

Monday, May 12, 2014

Klonopin, Beer, and a Big Raspy Brrrr of Lip Music (To Thee & Thine)

Dr. Moore

(c) 2014

I.

Tired as I am
Afraid to seek newer worlds
Lest they betray me as the coward
That I am

Not really a coward, just a dissatisfied tyrant
We know

When Dante found himself at the tail-end of hell
When Virgil recommended him to Beatrice

Such things hold no voice in the loud world of our lives

We are alone

~ Edward Moore

Many people claim to love a resounding success story. But what the majority of our sadistic fellows really enjoy is a pitiful downfall from dizzying heights of success and/or happiness (the two not always being concomitant, but that's another topic). When I told my best friend recently about an old love that had (so I thought) come back into my life, he said, "Damn! That's awesome. Let's go grab a beer." However, when the thing fell apart, when the ship went down, my friend was all ears; he couldn't wait to hear all the details of my shattered emotions, my disappointed hopes, my complete loss of confidence in my ability to judge those inscrutable 'signs' that set so many lovers adrift in a sea of pseudo-amorous logoi. I say pseudo-amorous because this lady rightly pointed out that I was, so to speak, in love with an earlier version of her -- of about twenty years earlier. No amount of sound reasoning can allay the onset of violent emotion; no level of insight is capable of kicking the rational principle in our soul into high gear ...

Idealized woman is as old as Homer. In Dante's Commedia, Beatrice was the very pinnacle of femininity deified; the lure of the sexual was entirely absent, for she was (to Dante) a being beyond his ability to possess. Eve, in Milton's unequaled masterpiece Paradise Lost is, besides Satan, the most human; she is, however, overtly sexual (especially in Milton's description of her luscious untamed hair) -- and when she drops the little crown of flowers that Adam made for her, we feel our hearts go out to the poor adoring sod ... and we witness, in the finest poetry ever written, the shattering of the heart that lost or irrevocably altered love can cause ...

Yet at the end of Milton's poem, Adam and Eve walk, hand-in-hand, out into the barren world, where they must endure, together. And we know the rest.

But a question that struck me the first time I read Paradise Lost was: Do Adam and Eve ever recapture anything, even a flitting ghost of a symbol, of their paradisaical love? Genesis, of course, is no help. Milton, as only the greatest of poets do, leaves us to our own imaginings ...

Of course, in the Septuagint translation, we get (in Gen 4:25) the phrase sperma heteron in reference to Seth. The Gnostics made much of this, since heteros can mean "other" or "different," but also "alien," in the sense of absolute other. Sethian Gnosticism owes much to this passage. Our modern sensibilities, which lead us to wonder just how much Adam and Eve loved each other, simply get left to the whirling dust of ages past.

The 'success' of the great epic comes much, much later, with the advent of Christ and His Passion, etc. ... But at the level of merely human life (by which I mean the lives of those of us who seek a warm body to embrace at night, with a mind capable of enduring a bit of Orff's Carmina Burana before the final drooling snuggle of slumber) there is little edification in the Genesis narative.1

A retreat, comforting as it is, into past literature(s), sometimes sets the pained soul at ease, knowing through echoes from the past that others have (if not actually experienced) at least imagined the sufferings that we endure on this very day. Alone.

Sometimes, however, when a hurt, a lacertation, an emotional scourging, is too great to bear, we blacken a pure white screen with words meant for someone we know will never read them.

II.

Serene will be our days and bright,
And happy will our nature be,
When love is an unerring light,
And joy its own security.

~ William Wordsworth

In Alcoholics Anonymous the "Serenity Prayer" is said, constantly. It irritates me to no end. The refrain from The Beatles' song "Across the Universe" ("Nothing's gonna change my world") is far more fitting for lost souls, languishing amidst a beauty they cannot possess. 'Accept the things I cannot change'!!! Bullshit. I then become a machine, processing "life on life's terms" (another favorite saying of those cultish barbaroi) without any 'input' of my own, other than mute acceptance and an impotent humility that turns me into a uniformed officer of the Court of Sobriety. So what then?

Love lost, denied, or given briefly and then taken away ... These are the worst punishments this pathetic life has to offer, especially the latter. Love is no "unerring light," it is an obligation, one that allows the other to make demands upon the weaker partner, by whom I mean, the one who is most in love. Equality, there is none; companionship means nothing more than sharing material burdens. Sex is a relief from stress, not a commingling of two bodies sharing one soul. The beloved has an ethical responsibility to the lover: not to destroy, dishearten, nor even to disappoint. Love raises us up from the level of beasts. But all around me, I see just that: ugly, ignorant, stunted abortions. I severely insulted one of them today, dug deep and even threatened violence ... And I am happy about it!

.....

Happy marriages are simply the result of years of mutual acculturation. How well do I know the one with whom I share my body? A ticklish spot here, a cute little dimple there ... But what of the soul?

Joy is nothing but a myth dreamed up by miserable old folks watching their grandchildren play, and pretending that these brats will grow up to change the world, for the better. Only the leg- and arm-bearing spermata do not. They carry guns and wear uniforms that displace their personality with ideological symbolism, of which most of them know nothing. If I see a yellow ribbon on your SUV, or a "Support Our Troops" bumper sticker, I'm going to cause my old friend the red to flow ...

Great job, you breeders. You've filled the world with sacks of piss and shit, with intellect occupied by sports, vehicles, and bad music ... oh, and gadgets. Let us not forget gadgets.

Security? In the depths of my own mind, especially after some booze and pills.

III.

Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in his hand
Who saith, 'A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be
afraid!'

~ Robert Browning

My ex-wife once told me of a vision she had of the two of us, walking hand-in-hand along the path of eternity. But some drunken ramblings of mine, some blackouts, a bit of the old spitter-spatter, caused her to abandon me, as so many others have done since then.

But God listens. And some time ago, in the deepest despair I have ever known, I said a prayer, in which I handed myself over to Him. I recanted almost immediately. Sincerity, however, is powerful. God doesn't want fearful beings for His world. He wants courageous, self-accepting, loving, idealizing, persistent, intellectual, soft and gentle, compassionate, humorous, lovers of this world ... the glory of which will never pass away. For our memories are eternal. This coming from a chronic alcoholic, who should be dead by now. Thank my Lord that I am typing right now, as angry as I am at ...

She knows.

Notes:

1. Unless one makes the intellectual adventure into Harold Bloom's and David Rosenberg's The Book of J (New York: Grove Weidenfeld 1990). Rosenberg's translation/rendering of Gen 4:28: "Now Adam still knew his wife in the flesh; she bore a son, called him Seth -- [and in the voice of Eve] 'God has settled another seed in me ...'." (p. 68). That, to me, is indescribably beautiful.

Act 17

He seemeth to be a setter forth of strange gods

~ Acts 17:18 (KJV)

I.

Act 17 of a battered life, bestrewn with emotional destruction, an emulation of certain 'greats' notwithstanding an unpleasant vapor exudes from the fabric of my spiritual clothing ... a fine and dandy cloth clothing the self ... torment of the closet ... the space in which the PROSOPON is donned for the sake of those (the royal) we seek to impress (pun intended) ...

Presumptuous ties to another life whisking itself away beneath our tobacco-infused nose ... Streets opening onto a promise long ago drained of significance.

The school at night, a hall, a lack of responsibility and there it was: rip it out, tear it out, take it easy ... There's more where that came from. Brown hair encasing me, there was infinity ... No one expected that morning would bring a hung-over breakfast ...

Rumpled clothing is sexy on a goddess ... Talk of Burgess and the Malayan trilogy ... My eggs came late ... she did not ... Exasperated by the beauty of early morning with momentous appeal ... We danced in the rain on the way home, just to enjoy something ...

I worried about my silk polo, but she did not ... and it went ...

To be placed in an arena of conflict, lovingly, bestrewn with roses on a silk-sheeted bed, rising to the occasion with words taken from several poets and being told 'speak in your own words' and then trying, failing, getting a smile, an embrace and more ... No calloused indifference to personality ...

Speaking in nadsat after reading A Clockwork Orange together ... Not the most romantic of texts, but undeniable evidence of her uniqueness:

JENNIFER

My world, my life, my love ... so long ago ...

A little Edward there might have been. That is over. Hope has departed these lands.

II.

"April is the cruelest month" ... Thus spake Eliot. Sure, it rained a lot. Down went my ship, and with it the hope of renewal, revision, visionary sharing ...

... how lovely to the eyes, lively to the mind. To [the] fruit she reached; ate, gave to her man, there with her, and he ate.

Things have been shared with me: nothing of importance. DEBORAH. Blastings of mouth and muscular ripplings of legs (she ran a lot) ... MARILYNN. Tired requests for massages, 'Did you bring in the mail?' ...

Meanwhile, as the 4th Brandenburgh Concerto played, I donned heavy gloves and saved a poor bat, trapped in our country home ...

III.

Yes, I am a saint ... a saint who drinks, fucks, intimidates the weak, uses big words against the strong -- and thrives.

I linked myself with a pretty little sublunary deity simply because of her boppy blonde curls and efflorescent blue eyes (and slinky body) ... Oh! to my detriment ... LISA.

And I wonder why She (the authentic, autarchic SHE) doesn't love me ...

Who would? I am a draconic riled up purposeless mess of a man seeking nothing but no gainsaying of my proclivities ...

BARBARA. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of loneliness. I remain, however, seeking a hand in mine ... But,

What good woman would give me that?

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Untitled Poem {Deeply Personal}

... Of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: "It might have been!"

~ John Greenleaf Whittier

I met a man with a guitar today, echoes of St. Augustine reverberating in my brain as I walked through town, pleased at the cessation of rain.

The man strummed some clumsy chords, looked sheepishly at me as he faltered ... I said, "Hey, it's a start. That D wasn't bad." He handed me the guit-fiddle and I played a Townshend-style power chord, a nice open E ...

"Know any songs?," he asked.

"A few."

Something of sentimentality set in ... not for the past so much as for an imagined future.

With whom do we share the sensation of our tutelary spirit gently tugging us awake each morning? To whom do we impart the deeply buried treasures of an over-active mind? When do we shut our mouths and let life roll along inexorably to a bang or a whimper or a glorious apotheosis?

I performed "Our House" by CSNY. Bad idea. My tears began to flow when I reached the part about windows like fiery gems, only for you-oo-ooo ...

Fortunately, the day was gray and my tears were more like drops of molten lead than gems. But I suppose my eyes did resemble pearls ...

My voice -- an off-key, Dylanesque voice at the best of times -- faltered and faded and I handed back the instrument, and without a word returned to my bachelor's quarters, with a superfluous book on advanced calculus in my bag. Infinite zero indeed.

.....

What does one do when an old love has vanished, and an even older (more potent) love has returned at arm's length, as one emerges from self-imposed oblivion?

In the clear light of Aurora's infinite forgiveness, do we need an angel, a goddess, or a representative, perhaps, of the chthonic forces that infuse this world -- my world! -- with ascending life?

I know not what I need, but I know what I want. And, with a little courage -- which this over-stimulated, under-estimated man lacks -- I could possibly, probably, maybe, perhaps, with a little grace from above, below, or in-between -- or, better yet, right next to me! -- have ... her.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Paradox I.

Edward Moore, S.T.L., PhD (c) 2014

No one is interested in beings who are perfectly happy.

~ Chateaubriand

The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

~ Lord Byron

There is secular art, and there is religious art. In both, the most moving examples are those that depict extremes of suffering, of tragedy, even of death. Edgar All Poe remarked that there is no theme more fitting for poetry than the death of a beautiful woman. The tragic downfall of beauty is, indeed, the stuff of great poetry. Witness Milton's Paradise Lost, with the transformation of defiant, heroic Satan from a fearless (and many say sympathetic) general of a diabolical army into, finally -- a toad and a serpent. And in the works of Shakespeare, the self-destruction of Hamlet (which occurs long before the hit with the poisoned sword) and the cruelty suffered by doddering King Lear, from his own daughters, affects us far more profoundly than the (to me) largely obsolete comedies. In religious art, both literary and visual, "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God," by Jonathan Edwards, makes for provocative reading, regardless of one's faith or lack thereof. Gruenewald's painting of the Crucifixion, described by J-K Huysmans, in his novel La-Bas, as depicting a "God of the morgue," transfixes the eye of the modern observer in a way that the triumphant Adonis Christs of the late Middle Ages do not. And for a literary example from the relatively recent past, the twenty-first chapter of A Clockwork Orange, by the late Anthony Burgess, which provided a "happy ending" to the unrelieved violence and psychopathy of Alex, made the novel fall flat, and so was omitted from the first published editions, as well as from Kubrick's film.[1] Why the fascination with the unhappy ending, or at least with the imperfectly resolved ending?

(Matthias Gruenewald, The Crucifixion, 1525)

Aristotle, in his Poetics, explained that such works (he was writing specifically of tragedy) serve a cathartic role in our lives, permitting us to purge ourselves of our own violent or anti-social tendencies by watching them played out by others on the stage, in works so powerful it is easy to forget they are fiction. The famous -- or infamous -- sermon by Jonathan Edwards, however, was given in earnest, and caused such an outburst of negative reaction in his congregation that he was, eventually, sent off as a missionary to the Mohicans.[2] Religious art -- and I use that term very loosely, for the majority of religious art is intended to be instructional, certainly not 'art for art's sake' -- is not intended solely to purge us of sinful tendencies by depicting their horrific consequences (as in the works of Hieronymus Bosch, for example) but also to raise up the spiritual part of our intellect to spaces beyond the mundane, and unite us, in imagination, with certain aspects of divine reality that are not readily apparent in nature. Or, sometimes, to remind us that the erotic is never far from our thoughts, even at their most lofty.[3]

(Fra Angelico, Noli Me Tangere, 1445?)

In Christian history we find many equivocal attitudes towards art, ranging from ancient Iconoclasm (which sprang up once again among the more zealous of the so-called Reformers, and is by no means extinct today) to demands that a Christian art must depict only -- and with literal accuracy -- scenes taken directly from scripture (usually the New Testament). Allegory was sometimes frowned upon, in later times, but never banished entirely. Some of the more enlightened and humanistic Christians of recent times, like the Dominican friar Marie-Alain Couturier (1897-1954), did not even demand that a creator of Christian art be a Christian. He said that "all great art is spiritual since the genius of the artist lies in the depths, the secret inner being from whence faith also springs." An atheist in touch with both self and other (the latter meant in the expansive sense of all that one sees in the world: people, animals, trees and flowers, etc.) is more than capable of having a faith, albeit one that does not require a personal God -- nor even an impersonal, clockmaker God, as in Deism. Rather, the faith of the atheist is in the future, which is, as Keats said of joy, ever bidding us adieu.

This is not to say that the faith of the atheist is merely a faith in an eventual utter dissolution, in which the exhausted human mind may finally rest in oblivion. I believe that the future will someday arrive, as a new 'way of things,' so to speak ... And as Faulkner stated in his Nobel Prize speech, we human beings are not meant simply to endure -- for we all are capable of endurance, as anyone who has been sorely tried by sickness, addiction, loss of freedom, loss of love, knows all too well -- but we are meant to prevail. I am not sure over what, exactly. Perhaps over the limitations of our own intellect, morals, ethics ... the things we possess, partially tapped, that are capable of ushering in (metaphorically) the Kingdom of God, as Christ so often declared in the Gospels (see, for example, Luke 17:21: "behold, the kingdom of God is within you"). Faulkner called upon us not to chatter away pointlessly and heedlessly until the end of time, but to overcome the debilitating fear that makes us less than human -- indeed, the fear that makes us animalistic, the fear or anxiety discussed by Kierkegaard, which is purely subjective (not fear for the human race as a whole): the fear that our life amounts, in the end, to nothing.

Admittedly -- and it pains me to write this -- philosophy has little to offer as antidote to this existential despair. Jean-Paul Sartre had great difficulty founding an atheist existentialist ethic, although he did allude, in a footnote at the end of Part III of Being and Nothingness, to some sort of "radical conversion" that will bring about "deliverance and salvation," but he never discussed it. It is doubtful that he had Kierkegaard's "leap of faith" in mind, for we know he chose Marxist communism instead. Richard Rorty, in Philosophy and the Mirror of Nature, described philosophy as "the ongoing conversation of Western Civilization." But to what end? Somehow I am reminded here of Lord Dunsany's haunting vignette Charon, in which the last words of the last man to be rowed across Styx to the land of the dead are simply "I am the last." And then, Dunsany writes: "No one had ever made Charon smile before, no one before had ever made him weep."

Being-toward-death was one of Martin Heidegger's main themes, for he saw death as the most unique, personal potentiality of the human being, something no one else can suffer. The acceptance of death, argued Heidegger, frees us from its terror, relieves us of the anxiety attendant upon thoughts of our demise, and frees us up to become who and what we authentically are. I found this, upon my first reading of Heidegger (so many years ago), to be ridiculous (and still do); the fear of death is a product of our evolution, a guarantor of at least temporary survival in a hostile world. Being-for-others, as Christian existentialists and personalists both secular and religious, would have it, is certainly a more humane and, ultimately, a more dynamic and creative manner of engaging with the world. At the very least, it permits us to love. And we can only truly love that which always, however partially, eludes our grasp.

(Ingres, The Virgin Adoring the Host, 1862)

My heart is like a rainbow shell
That paddles in a halcyon sea;
My heart is gladder than all of these,
Because my love is come to me.

~ Christina Rossetti, A Birthday

Notes:

1. Examples may be multiplied, almost indefinitely. But to mention one more (one of my favorites): Emily Bronte's masterpiece Wuthering Heights -- What are we to make of those two bodies sharing a single soul, Heathcliff and Catherine?

2. While the sermon "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" (preached July 8, 1741) was not directly responsible for his eventual banishment from his congregation, its nightmarish message surely set the tone for discontent. Barely six years later, after cohabitating with a slave-girl named "Venus," Edwards was finally sent off to the Mohicans, by the common consent of his flock.

3. See, for example, Fra Angelico's 'Noli Me Tangere' (1441), or the sublimely beautiful virgin Mary of Ingres. In the literary sphere, one will note the masturbation scene before a statue of the virgin in Umberto Eco's The Name of the Rose.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Specter VI {A Farewell To Specters}

When I consider the short duration of my life, swallowed up in the eternity before and after, the little space I fill, and even can see, engulfed in the infinite immensity of space of which I am ignorant, and which knows me not, I am frightened, and am astonished at being here rather than there, why now rather than then.

~ Blaise Pascal

Sing we for love and idleness,
Naught else is worth the having.
Though I have been in many a land,
There is naught else in living.
And I would rather have my sweet,
Though rose-leaves die of grieving,
Than do high deeds in Hungary
To pass all men's believing.

~ Ezra Pound, An Immorality

I.

There is no salvation in hope; it is an empty style of living which renders the existent mere flesh on the bone, waiting on others, or on some event(s), to inject meaning into the meaningless.

Socrates said "the unexamined life is not worth living." I say, the solitary life is not worth reflecting upon ... Art does not come from a lonely individual in his private chamber, but rather from a walker, a thinker ... a lover.

To wonder why I am in the here-and-now, rather than elsewhere, is to avoid the challenge of forcing meaning out of the void of "thrown" existence, or what the German existentialists called Geworfenheit. I am here to create and to love: that is the only "truth."

The beauty of the beloved, and the clear spectacle of her presence -- no specter! -- is the reality ... the lips that the nihilist kisses and is forced to say, "I refute it thus!": the emptiness of absurd existence, now filled with the truth of Beauty, which is "all / Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know" (Keats).

The gnwsiV that rose up from the abyss, or descended like a coiling snake upon brute unfeeling matter ... The knowledge that returned from a long exile, to re-discover ousia the way the prince re-discovered himself in the Hymn of the Pearl, for example ... That knowledge born of exhaustion and longing, working together to lighten the far edges of an aborted universe, and renew the seemingly lost hupostasis ... Such was the love of Sophia for her accidental offspring, in Sethian Gnostic myth. And it is the love that causes specters to dissolve.

Sidney said that poets gild nature with gold. Lovers lighten the dark spaces, and reveal themselves to that which never sets, as sage Heraclitus once said ... Nature may die so long as the legacy remains ... the light, the gold, the monuments of our own magnificence.

II.

Warm pastoral! Idle contentment after demiuirgic endeavor -- such is the threshold of renewed existence!

When light falters at the end of day, shadows lengthen, bringing that oft-sung melancholy that is more than meaning: it is promise ... for to feel the feathery touch of this world, which we call emotion, is to find ourselves remaining, for a while, still -- and knowing that self is not all there is.

There will be time, there will be time, to embrace a future that is all hope ... It will not bring salvation but the knowledge that the here-and-now is the ground of our being, the 'upokeimenon that permits us to turn metaphysical when brute existence begins to frighten us ... or else to produce "Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears" (Wordsworth).

The fear of death, the crisis of the absurd, the angst that makes life seem like a pointless gesture ... or rather, the realization that life without love, creation, and infinite yearning -- a decision! -- is the cause of angst ... The recoiling from the other ... the retiring of self into private contemplative quarters where art languishes, and with it -- Life ... the motivation to rebel out of a frustrated sense of creative impotency ... the sabotaging of the Good, True, and Beautiful for the sake of a power that is not world-historical but pointless and draining ...

A future there will be, and to it we must answer. Indeed, it is our self that we will be answering to ...

Have you guess'd you yourself would not continue?
Have you dreaded these earth-beetles?
Have you fear'd the future would be nothing to you?

~ Walt Whitman, To Think of Time

Crippling fear of the future is the death of all art and love ... The ancient Stoics, for example, with their theory of eternal recurrence and terrifying ekpurosis, did their best to banish that fear, but it was at the expense of the moral development of the person. Ethics, meaning civic responsibility, may have flourished ... But how often did a Stoic man say to his beloved agape sou? I LOVE YOU.

III.

Hustle and bustle all around ... but two at table ... a pair of brown eyes by dark ringlets framed ... of the softest hair ... The world did not shake, my heart did not pound, but a peace settled upon me as our eyes met. 'Twas the peace of contentment ... No matter what was to come, the immortal gods smiled upon that moment, and it would have been ingratitude of the grossest kind to expect more ... yet more did come ... and shall -- I pray! -- continue ...

All measure, and all language, I should pass
Should I tell what a miracle she was.

~ John Donne, The Relic

Fine metaphysical Donne! Nothing is done ... I shall amend your lines by writing WHAT A MIRACLE SHE IS!

Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.

~ Song of Solomon 1:15 (KJV)