Friday, November 21, 2014

The Virgin and the Pervert

May I, composed like them
Of Eros and of dust,
Beleaguered by the same
Negation and despair,
Show an affirming flame.

~ W.H. Auden, September 1, 1939

I.

The mind wanders where it listeth. Indeed, even in the most solemn moments, or the most sacred places, thoughts precede the will which has the unique power to govern them. Fragmentary images or full-blown fantasies burst onto the mental screen unbidden and, once there, hold sway like a tyrant. Whether by design or by accident, certain things (especially objects of art) have the ability to draw forth the demiurgic fancy, sunder it from its governing will, and lead it towards a climax often unexpected, sometimes shocking, but always bursting with meaning.

As an example I will give the iconic statue of the Virgin Mary that adorns many Roman Catholic churches. She is shown treading upon the head of a serpent, representing, of course, Satan, while her gaze is directed blissfully toward the holy seat. Besides her hands and face, the only bare flesh shown is her foot, which is carven with exquisite delicacy. Anyone with even a slight inclination towards sexual submission or fetishism will find something disturbingly erotic about this image. Certainly one of the most memorable scenes in Umberto Eco's masterpiece, The Name of the Rose, is of the depraved old monk, flat on his face, masturbating before the Virgin. Note I have already used two terms from the conceptual language of morality: "disturbing" and "depraved." Why would an atheist find the sexualization of the Virgin Mary disturbing, or consider a person utilizing her for the sake of release depraved? Possibly because all art requires a certain amount of reverence, and such reverence must be directed toward a concept, at least, if not a specific object. Reverence, of course, is another moralistic term, denoting a concept not usually invoked in contemporary discussions of literature, possibly because of religious overtones. Yet reverence for the sacred is an immemorial theme in poetry and the visual arts. And the relation of fallible human beings to the all-pervasive sacred powers begins in the Western tradition with the Iliad and continues to the present day.1

Buried deep in our shared past, both literary and psychological, is the union of the sacred and the sexual -- indeed, extending back into pre-history, the sexual was sacred, and vice-versa -- and it is the sundering of these complementary and often indistinguishable 'forces' that has caused the de-stabilization of the self in the face of conflicting moral idea(l)s to become the dominant theme in literary art to this day. The earliest writings that we recognize as poetry are concerned with the conflict between selfish desire and the obligations owed to the community, which includes the gods. Moral lapse, and the effort to undo its effects, is the poetic theme par excellence. So what is poetic about an embarrassing lapse of morality?

We have three themes here: 1) the sacred, 2) the sexual, 3) the moral stability (or lack thereof) of the human person. That the sacred is the product of atmosphere (and therefore pre-conceptual) none, I think, will deny. By this I mean, for example, that even an atheist cannot fail to be moved to a certain attitude of refined reverence in the space of a church or cathedral. The idea that a large number of people believe such a space to bear witness to the presence of the deity is not the only reason for reverence. The careful attention paid to every detail of construction, to every opportunity to inject symbolism into literally every corner, turns the mind away from self-reflection towards a contemplation of a meaning beyond oneself. The atmosphere of the space becomes charged with mystery, even, perhaps, awe.2 At this point, one is living poetry. Conversely, there is no mystery surrounding one's personal sexuality. Unless one has a neurotic, self-denying attitude towards one's sexuality, the various desires at work in the scheme of arousal and satisfaction are all too clear. In short, I know exactly what I want. When the glory of self-transcendence bumps up against the familiar vibration of sexual arousal, I am thrown into a moral dilemma. Do I permit the two to mingle, and thereby drag down to earth that which was capable, even if only for a moment, of drawing my attention away from my self, and toward the mysterious 'other' that captivates imagination and lends an otherworldly luster to life? The fact that this dilemma is the result of a millennia-old cultural separation of the sacred and the sexual is a purely intellectual consideration; the evolution of human self-consciousness that gave rise to the concept of the person as HUPOSTASIS is the foundation of all Western morality and ethics, and it involves a strict separation of the 'lower' physical funtions, over which the will has little control, and the higher noetic or intellectual functions, which, when in concert with the will, allows the person unmediated access to, or contemplation of, the sacred.3 Therefore, a cost / benefit analysis is clearly in favor of keeping the sacred inviolate, yet the overwhelming power of Eros is a nearly indomitable force, and it is truly wonderful to dissolve into ecstasy beneath the power of sexual desire hypostasized in / as the beloved, whom the "Goddess" (to borrow a trope from Robert Graves, in his book The White Goddess) uses as her instrument for the sake of inspiring the lover (or "Muse-poet") with an ecstatic, self-transcending joy productive of the most sacred art. Clear-sighted attachment to the world of concrete experience is the first step towards an ethically sound and morally stable existence. It is not, however, conducive to a craftsmanly life of personal co-operation with the infinite.

Georges Bataille, for example, was well aware of this, and spilled much ink on the topic. The "notion of expenditure," as he called the ecstatic destruction of valuabe things for the sake of some transcendent end, is precisely what I have in mind here, especially the role played by morality (and by this loaded term I mean a fully developed, theoretical conscience, i.e., a strong conception of how the world and the self ought to be). Even the most hardcore atheist will feel at least a tinge of shame if he fantasizes about taking the serpent's place beneath Mary's foot. This shame may, of course, be due to residual cultural influence, especially if our atheist was brought up as a Christian, or at least in Christian surroundings. But morality is a complex thing, and a person who respects, theoretically at least, the sacred objects and notions of other persons, will feel a healthy shame at utilizing one of their sacred objects for a 'base' end like sexual gratification. There is also -- and this must not be discounted -- the sense of self-esteem which all healthy persons possess. It is shameful to debase oneself before another; indeed, I think even the most devoted submissive feels a tiny bit of non-sexual shame as he licks the bottom of his mistress's boot. A moral stance, then, towards oneself and the other, depends upon acknowledging two types or morality: that which involves a respect for persons, and that which involves respect or reverence for a concept. In the example of the 'slave' at his mistress's feet: if she is not simply a means to an erotic end, but also a person loved by the 'slave' -- and especially if she returns that love -- any shame felt by the submissive will be mitigated by and through that love, and an intense erotic experience will result; if the submissive, however, is engaging in a fantasy role-play scenario in which the actual woman recedes into the distance and gives way to a conceptual Goddess, then the shame will be carried out of the 'dungeon' and into the bright streets of non-fantasy existence, where that shame may rankle and cause psychological discord of a rather complex kind.

In the realm of poetry, and literature in general (novel, short story) we have a roughly analogous situation. A dominant theme or trope will draw its power from the focus either on an individual and his or her experience, or more generally on a concept meant to include all of humanity (or at least a certain sub-section of humanity, if you will). It is the difference, quite simply, of a poem by the self to the self (what I will call 'I' poems) and a poem addressed to others ('We' poems). To bring Robert Graves in again, the dedicatory poem with which he opens The White Goddess, entitled simply "In Dedication," is a rather powerful 'I' poem.

But I am gifted, even in November
Rawest of seasons, with so huge a sense
Of her [the Goddess's] nakedly worn magnificence
I forget cruelty and past betrayal,
Careless of where the next bright bolt may fall.

Yet for some reason, when he reprinted this poem under the title "The White Goddess," in his Poems and Satires 1951, Graves exchanged, literally, the 'I's for 'We's. As Harold Bloom rightly pointed out, this alteration ruins the poem. But I think it also serves as a fine illustration of how the direct power of personal experience and revelation, in which sanctity and reverence are moral responses to ones place in the world, can be productive of unmediated poetic expression, whereas rhetorical or didactic efforts to communicate something supposedly universal is often (not always!) productive of limpid poetry of a supremely forgettable sort.4 In other words, even if I do not share the other's experience, if that experience is rendered in an especially moving, personal manner, I will have a moral, reverent response to my fellow human being's communicated experience, no matter how far beyond my ken it may be. However, if I am asked or expected to identify with that experience, by way of the 'We' method, I may easily grow annoyed or even insulted. Mention should also be made of 'We' poems masquerading as 'I' poems. Whitman's fawning "O Captain! My Captain!" does not demand the reader to join him in his effusions, but it does not fail to insult by its shameless hero-worship. When I read that poem I am embarrassed for Whitman, whose poetic personality deserved to remain on a loftier plane. One may consider this comment ironic or even self-contradictory, given my erotic-submissive predilection. I will forestall such an objection by shamelessly labeling my own poetic celebrations of the Goddess post-modern chivalry. Whitman's sad little poem is mere jingoism. Chivalric love exalts the lover; hero-worship, especially of the political kind, only degrades.

* * * * *

Concept-formation is the task of philosophy, not of poetry. When expressing a sense of life as it ought to be, that expression must -- if it is to be poetic -- be of a personal desire or longing for an existence suitable to the 'I.' Let philosophy speak of the 'We' and attempt to come to terms with life as it is, the Lebenswelt. And I will add that I believe the only philosophy still relevant in our day is that which acknowledges Geworfenheit, the "thrown-ness" that characterizes our relationship to the world, the disorientation that results when we attempt to reduce the world to categories of understanding, only to find that the world is not amenable to such reduction. In this type of existentialist-gnostic mode of thinking, there can be no study of universals, only of unique moments in the unfloding of personal becoming. Therein lies the difference between poetic thought (and the style of philosophy that rouses itself by way of poetry) and what, for want of a better, less loaded term, I will call 'objective': as soon as we begin to universalize, we necessarily abandon idealism for the gray realm of description; when we are attentive to the complexities of personal response to atmosphere(s) generated by works of art, or by the other (whether beloved, hated, or admired, etc.), the inspiration is not to description but to production. The 'I' becomes a Demiurge.

The Classical style of poetry always demanded proper imitation as the goal, whereas the Romantic style emphasized emotion, inner experience, personal response, etc. Classical imitation, of course, presumed the world to be essentially orderly, a representation of divine wisdom. No serious person believes that today. Romanticism understood the world to be a vale of tears. As Byron put it so powerfully in Canto IV of Childe Harold's Pilgrimage:

Our life is a false nature -- 'tis not in
The harmony of things, -- this hard decree,
This ineradicable taint of sin,
This boundless upas, this all-blasting tree
Whose root is earth, whose leaves and branches be
The skies which rain their plagues on men like dew --
Disease, death, bondage -- all the woes we see,
And worse, the woes we see not -- which throb through
The immedicable soul, with heart-aches ever new.

Being and Nothingness, is through my own consciousness, my supreme freedom. Since I cannot find, in myself, a stable ground upon which to conceptualize and thereby control (intellectually, at least) my world, I experience anguish. If I wish to rid myself of this anguish, I must give up my freedom by giving myself over to societal structures, illusory 'human nature,' political ideology, etc. This is what Sartre calls "bad faith." Indeed. The fact that so many people wish to identify with others, and do away with the differences that make us all unique, unrepeatable entities, or hupostaseis, for the sake of communal or even global harmony, is one of the gravest dangers of our time. A morality centered on the 'I,' with a healthy, critical suspicion of any universalizing efforts, of any discourse spoken in the name of 'We,' is the beginning of a solid defense against de-personalization.

The poetic art has always had the power to bring the 'I' to the fore, over-against the whimpering others who just want to live "life on life's terms" and "celebrate diversity" when what they really mean is "pretend we are all alike." True diversity is maintained, if not celebrated, by shining light into the darkest corners of one's self, and not being afraid to shock or even appall. My decision to begin this essay with a reflection on fetishism, masturbation, and erotic domination was not made merely for shock-value; I actually enjoy these things, and one of my earliest sexual memories was getting an erection as I sat in church "contemplating" the statue of the Virgin. Perhaps I will write a poem about that experience, without pausing to consider what, if any, cultural value it may have. But first, a consideration of a contemporary novel is in order.

II.

Recently, in a spate of desire for timeliness (I suppose) I read an extraordinary novel (alas! not the one I am going to discuss here) by Michael Gruber, The Book of Air and Shadows. I snatched it off the shelf for the obvious reason: it dealt with Shakespeare. But it was much more than that. I was expecting, after my rash snatch, an attempt at another Nothing Like the Sun, by Burgess. It was no such thing. The self-referentiality is what made me feel that I was reading genuine literature (and never mind, I will not attempt to differentiate between literature and mere entertainment here; I shall save that for another essay) ... Yes, it was a literary experience. Perhaps I shall reserve some time for a review of that book of air and shadows, however belated. For now, I'll turn to a less (obviously?!) literary novel by Gruber, The Return. This novel has all the trappings of a typical crime drama: bereft husband, murderous drug lords, a subtle seductress, exotic location ... it goes on. Yet it is quite more than the sum of its parts. Gruber is aware, throughout his text, that he is writing a work of fiction. In The Book of Air and Shadows he engages in meta-commentary quite extensively, telling his reader straightforwardly that he is inventing dialogue, not recording it. And this self-conscious, compositional referendum (if you will) does much to raise that novel to the level of a sophisticated work of art, however strenuously Gruber strives to pull his text down to earth. This in stark contrast to another contemporary novelist, for whom my feelings are mixed (one Donna Tartt), who invites the reader into a contained space of eternal, faultless memory. Tartt's first novel, The Secret History, is an engaging tour-de-force, but it sacrifices verisimilitude for the sake of an all-encompassing narrative that forgets old Aristotle's sage advice: focus on a single action. I couldn't care less about Richard's (the "main character," I suppose) off-the-cuff observations, even less about his sexual un-conquests. Tartt's is a good story, that is all. Gruber's is something else.

In The Return, Gruber is more earnest (than Tartt) in his tale-weaving. I admit to boredom at certain points, especially during the reflections on the glories of Mexico and the rather gratuitous reminiscences of Vietnam. The device he was attempting to employ (tropic flashbacks {no pun intended}, even metonymic correspondences) failed to convince. What kept me at the novel was the almost unbearable tension between approaching mortality, present sexuality, and pure fear. Quite a combination.

So. In this novel we have the protagonist, one Richard Marder (and the allusion to "martyr" is intentional, despite Marder's disavowal of such at a rather poignant scene), a man who has lost his wife to suicidal madness after her parents were killed by Mexican drug cartel assassins, for refusing to pay tribute. Marder's deceased wife, of course, was Mexican, and Marder, as we come to discover, had seduced his beloved soon-to-be-wife away from her home in Mexico, resulting in her estrangement not only from her parents, but from her culture. We get a sense of the conflicting bitterness and love she (the dead wife) felt towards her husband. We are assured that her love for him was genuine, deep, and abiding. That makes her suicide, during what we are told was a drug-induced mania, all the more tragic. (Notice my use of 'we').

The novel opens with Marder being informed by his doctor that he (Marder) has an inoperable brain tumor. Death is inevitable; the only question is, How much time? In this arena of uncertainty, Marder unleashes an attack upon the cartel that murdered his wife. It is initially a quiet attack. He purchases a home on a small island off the western coast of Mexico and, with the help of a (fateful and faithful) friend, fortifies this island and provokes a war with the very cartel of infamous memory. This all sounds like pure crime-drama material, but I assure you, dear Reader, it is not. Themes of religious conviction, murderous passion, sexual inevitability, prevail; our protagonist becomes (thankfully) not a hero but a human. His death is not described in the novel, but his effective existence is given tribute. We find that a flawed, selfish, conflicted human being, when confronted with his own death, strives not to become a blessed memory, a "saint," but rather desires to make other people into saints. This is Marder the martyr. His genuineness is beyond dispute. As I read the novel, in one enjoyable, Sunday-long sitting, I found illustrated in a gripping yarn my own notion of morality conceptual and personal (and the union of the two).

Marder turned his lovely island paradise into a fortification, for the purpose of defying the brutal cartel. Those who stood with him were under no compulsion; they remained by his side out of love. Yes, love as a motivation is not outmoded. Verily, AGAPE OUDEPOTE PIPTEI, as the great poet Paul wrote. I believe that the moral purpose of Gruber's novel was to make this point, in a manner amenable to contemporary taste. In my opinion, he succeeded. While I remain an atheist, I hold to a faith in the noetic capacity of my fellows. We shall love not out of compulsion, but out of moral conviction. Yes, this sounds quaint, trite even ... But consider the alternatives.

The orgasm was once upon a time called the "little death." To die into another is the ultimate sacrifice, the absolute expression of a love that can be rejected but never called into question. Death is authentic. Bad faith is a living error. Death erases all error. Marder, laboring along with full knowledge of his inescapable death, found himself capable of a super-human exercise in virtue, a style of living that made him beloved of his dependents, and an object of awe to his intimates. But despite -- or perhaps because of (good novels promote the ambiguous, and this is an excellent novel) his conscisouness of death, Marder rises to heights of astounding sacrifice, made all the more impressive by his ability to remain relaxed, even as he hears his arch-enemy, in the next room, getting cut apart by a hot knife.

In some quiet moments I recall the glorious presence of my own ex-wife. She is still alive, as far as I know. Thankfully. If my doom is to worship her only in memory, so be it. A kind fate awaits those who love without compulsion. But the Virgin stands resolute. No matter where I go, no matter how I think, identification with the serpent is my fate.

I did not intend this second section of this little essay to be a review of Gruber's book. Rather, I needed a springboard. I have written a couple of poems that I must share soon, with some peers. But Gruber's novel reminded me of something ... Concept versus experience. If I abandon myself to the rolling structure of this world, without even attempting to alter Fate's Sodden Way ... If I flow into warm, cocoonish oblivion ... If I stay here as I am, is it possible to forget? I don't think so. The Concept and the Person. Together we tap out "different futures for everyone, one of which would come true" (Gruber, The Return, p. 366, finale).

As Huysman made clear, in his masterpiece La-Bás: there are certain personalities of the highest order who refuse to take second place. Moral considerations animate them not. Such persons desire to be Pope or a Master Warlock, it matters not, as long as the 'I' is supreme. In such persons, the concept of greatness, super-humanity, is the target, the goal. Once achieved, the fuel of life (for them) has been spent. Nothing moves. One alternative to this self-destructive power-play is Marder's nearly ecstatic giving of himself to the living, his transformation of his own impending death into a gift to everyone with whom he has come into contact, in his fateful final days. Another alternative is the demiurgic giving of the mind to those one will never meet, those readers who might cite one, in a article or book or lecture ... To become a deus absconditus is not a bad fate for a Christian Gnostic, who will believe that he will be capable of witnessing, from his warm and cozy seat in the PLEROMA, the effect that his work has had upon the unfortunates still laboring hylically in the realm of ... air and shadows.

Conclusion

It would be easy to conclude this text, if I knew, beyond doubt, my point. I don't. What I do know is that I must write. At my alcoholic back I always hear, the wheels of an ambulance drawing near. Will I be remembered, when I am gone (and that time is approaching)? And I don't mean remembered by Google or whatever digital storage systems that will come along to prevent my words from gathering noble dust. I wish, I hope, to be remembered by persons.

I think my days of writing academic works are over. If you have stayed with me this far, dear Reader, you will think one of two things, I'll wager: Edward Moore is a fine writer, erudite if recondite, bursting with a desire to communicate his "bright illimitable soul"; or, EM is a weirdo, plying us with his odd-ball dominatrix fantasies that he somehow thinks are literary material -- What a waste of digital space! And I would be lying if I said it doesn't matter. I truly desire the former to be the (ahem) dominant judgment of my work. In my passage from devout Orthodox Christian to rather annoyed atheist, I find little satisfaction in knowing that my books and articles on various aspects of Christian theology are rather consistently, if not widely, read. I would really love an audience of ...

Well, since I am being honest here, I would really love an audience of ONE. And she knows who she is.

Notes:

1. From the invocation of the Muse in Homer, to the solemn dedication to a loved one that graces the first page of many a contemporary novel, the moral value of a work of art is acknowledged. Indeed, if there were not something about the poetic art provocative of a reverential or at least a morally attuned attitude, poets or novelists would not find it proper to dedicate their productions to those they love or admire. And the latter would not find it necessary, occasionally, to demand that their name be removed from the dedicatory page, if there were not something morally objectionable about the work dedicated to them.

2. I suppose this is the place to mention Mont-St.-Michel and Chartres, by Henry Adams, and, of course, the relevant reflections by Ruskin, especially in his Stones of Venice. The latter text, especially, has remained in my mind as a paean to the Northern Spirit: cold hard passion, refusing to melt away in the harsh light of the other.

3. My reader might find it strange, at least, that I assign what has usually been termed mysticism to the intellect and the will. Certainly, traditional understandings of mysticism, in the Western tradition, involves a notion of surrender or abandonment of the merely human intellect and will in favor of the overriding power of the divine. In the last analysis, however, I believe that the discipline of the mystic -- at least in the Western tradition -- is a personal intellectual exercise, and that it is a mistake to give the credit for the resulting contemplative clarity to the deity rather than to the dedicated human person, to whom that credit really belongs. See my work on St. Maximus the Confessor, which has met with considerable objections over the years, mostly from dedicated Orthodox Christians, notably my doctoral dissertation, Origen of Alexandria and St. Maximus the Confessor (Boca Raton: Dissertation.com, 2005).

4. A famous example of an irritating piece of poetic preachiness is Pope's Essay on Man, which for some reason has remained in the so-called canon. I admit to enjoying the poem when I first read it, many years ago, likely due to recognition of certain verses that have come into popular usage, for example, "Hope springs eternal ...". However, when I began to reflect upon the philosophical message of the poem -- a dangerous, de-personalizing piety that seeks to tether the human mind to earth -- I found no reason to return to it. Contemporary examples of annoying preachy poems (and, indeed, counterparts in novel or short story form) are legion.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

The Great Butterslide

One night I was arrested, beaten, imprisoned, tortured. When at last I was released (With nothing but the prison clothes on my back and a brown bag of worthless goods) I found myself on the side of the road In the middle of nowhere Looking for a phone. I stumbled through bracken and scraped My already fractured head ... I fell in a pile of who-knows-what And proceeded on my quest For a phone ... A gas station convenience store! Thank you (whoever you are)! "Please, I am hurt and need to make a call," I said, "Sure," the fellow said, "use my phone, but perhaps a hospital would be a better place. Let me call 911." "No," I cried, "just let me call my family. They will get me out of here." "Dad, is that you? I need your help, I am hurt ..." ... "What do you mean? I have no clothes, no money, nowhere to go!" ... "Do you want me to die out here?" ... "Right, then. I guess I did bring it on myself. Alcoholics are nothing but immoral grazers on the lawns of good people and we all deserve death. ... Goodbye, Dad." ... And so I left the station Walked along the road Waited for the sound of ... There it is! -- a semi: (Crouch, wait, listen ... JUMP!!!) I write this from the place whence no one returns. I write this from the mid-point of my own life The time at which I need a Virgil more than anything ... No seven storey mountain for me Just a butterslide into oblivion. Thanks, everyone

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Work in Progress (Uncanny Silence and Loss)

Preface I grew up listening to Bach played on period instruments. Such was the vogue, I suppose, at the time (late '80s - early '90s). The fourth Brandeburg concerto (BWV 1049) was, according to instructions in the score, to be accompanied with "continuo," which meant, in Bach's time, the harpsichord. BWV 1057, for those who know and care about music, was intended as a re-write, so to speak, of the earlier piece, but still -- modern tempering of the piano was long in the future, at the time Bach lived, and so we still find ourselves listening, from the smokey distance of imagined memory, to the harpsichord tinkling out those glorious notes. Why does this matter? Simple. I am surrounded by barbarians. My only refuge is the recondite ... the knowledge of obscure matters pertaining to music, poetry (Did Faust really exist?), and philosophy (knock it off, with your foolish prayers, christian!) ... My escape is accomplished with the aid of the old greats, each of them unique, but united in one thing: the maintenance of Western culture. So why is this important? and what has it to do with Bach? Again, simple. The Baroque style, (and the word 'baroque' means, simply, an irregularly shaped pearl. Ha!) the containment of overwhelming emotion in the variegated contours of a unified structure, is conducive to revelation, confession of the things that we do not want to actually TELL others ... These things bubble to the surface, and among sophisticated people these things become works of art, not raunchy bar talk, nor sad puppy-dog-eyed professions to some slut at a park at two in the morning, after downing a half-gallon ... I am surrounded by barbarians, and like Rome, I will soon fall, if no grace comes my way. It is nice to stand in the midst of a bunch of academics and feel at home, when one has a paper on the program, and especially if one is a key note speaker ... It is especialy thrilling if one is sharing this thrill with one's unfaithful shrew of a wife ... It is especially galling to feel the weight of responsibility alight upon a light moment ... It is especially irksome to want to kill the very thing you love the most: yourself. Especially: guides, mentors, amanuenses, tailors, ribaldry, cloaks of black, heavy metal, storms, lightning, silence, peace, justice, hatred and the truth of the human condition. Hatred is easy to foster, love is the stuff of legend -- a bad legend, foolishness, yet the colorful chords of Bach resound in every corner to give us a sense of humanity not as it is but (yes, Aristotle) as it OUGHT to be. Air flows through unaided, as the 'block flutes' of Bach's great concerto ... Unaided: Who wants to be such? I. Make not my glad cause cause of mourning. ~ George Peele Happiness makes me want to drink beer. When lovely Barbara called me, suggesting a date, I was so happy that I downed a fifth of gin and then proceeded to sample all the beers at the local bar. Undone, I went home, to find that Barbara was no longer a possibility. Oh so glad, glad, I was crying ... yes, drunken tears ... An acrobatic mind takes such things and translates them into noetic corpuscules as he listens to Bach. Somehow, the flute sounds lonely in Bach's concerto, a poor little guy, striving to get his warbling voice heard amidst the din of dull, block-headed instruments making only sound, not MUSIC. Genius is comforting. Bach had it, Shakespeare, the great (and my favorite) Lord Byron, and recently, Plath and, well, as much as I hate to say it, Cormac McCarthy. When the head spins it is often correct to say that genius has caused the spin. An open chord descending quietly to something diminished but lovely: such is my life. An open chord frolicking in the grass around a contrapuntal stream: such is my wish. A power chord (Townshend-style) crashing upon the shore of my now-isolated brain: such is my wish. Botticelli. How is beauty born? Ask that guy. Deception is the order of the day for many .. and you know what? I am stopping. Academic time is upon me. I know nothing of the stove the faucet The clarion call of the amphibian Swollen beyond recall Taken by claws of a goddess Taken by nature's sweet rlease Taken when I least need it Taken when I want to remain Taken when I need a vacation Taken Optimism and music sing together Sing like silly finches on a branch Malebranche and word-association Hegel and eagle and finch Somewhere I am thriving And she knows it Somewhere the style persists The lungs cough smoke and New Orleans The lungs cough New York and cheapness The lungs cough poverty and South River The lungs cough smiles and handjobs The lungs ask for a small room where the BRAIN Can write. II. Success is counted sweetest By those who ne're succeed. ~ Emily Dickinson The inner life is our judge. If I go to Facebook and see some photos posted by an ex-girlfriend, photos in which she seems to be revelling in life, embracing a most unsavory fellow, embracing nothing but a cock (pardon me, but it's true) ... If I witness such things, is it acceptable for me to pull out my Glock and let light shine? Of course not. Is she happy? Not without me she's not!!! I am the key to EVERYONE'S happiness: I am the god who walks the deck. No. I am the demon who lurks below, finding solace in subtle, intellectual, ironic torture. I am damned good at it. Something positive this way comes. Memories. They are more fierce than the Conqueror Worm, more potent that any draught (I cannot drink away my memories) ... At the beginning of October, I warn the masses: Edward walks now. Come to me.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Why Read Anglo-Saxon Poetry?

The Robert Zemeckis film of Beowulf, while highly entertaining (for many of the wrong reasons), is sufficient cause, I believe, to lead one to an appreciation of the ancient poem itself. As Michael Alexander rightly stated, this work is a portal into a pre-Christian past, in which the oral tradition of poetic composition prospered. Fruitless attempts to identify Beowulf as an ancient vegetation god, a-la Frazer, or as an early concoction of a Germanic hero with a Christ-centered ethos have shown (at least to me) to be pointless exercises in scholarly virtuosity. Tolkien correctly identified this poem as an elegy, a lament for a lost or dying heroic past, written at a time when the weakness of humanity found solace in humility and suffering, as the pathway to heaven, and had abandoned the ancient heroic code of personal excellence and striving for glory. In our own time, we have the outstanding example of Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, an epic in an age when epics have been thought gone forever. Harold Bloom, usually an astute critic, made a ridiculous remark when he stated that he had "serious aesthetic reservations" about LOTR. A tale, nay, an epic, in which the unlikeliest of persons become grand heroes; a tale in which good and evil are unabashedly balanced on a razor's edge (to paraphrase Galadriel); a prose poem of striking emotional power ... Such is LOTR. And such is Beowulf. To read either work -- Beowulf or LOTR -- expecting magnificent character development and psychological insight (which is what Bloom apparently expected from the latter) is to miss the point of epic poetry (or prose) entirely. This is not to say that LOTR does not display subtle developments in the characters' personalities. The immature Merry and Pippin, for example, grow into splendid, selfless warriors, while the inward-looking Frodo does not so much develop as blossom, from inward-looking, almost poetical young Hobbit into a quiet moral force. Beowulf, in the great poem, maintains his persona as the archetypal Germanic hero until the very end: such is his moral contribution to the poem. Emotional impact comes from the interaction of characters and events, not from quiet personal development. A moral center is necessary to every great work. In LOTR it is Samwise Gamgee; in Beowulf it is the hero himself, the one who places his entire life at the service of personal glory. While this might be an ethic with which us moderns cannot identify, it is an ethic nonetheless; and to appreciate the poem, one must orient him or herself to this ancient and outmoded ethic.

I am not one to promote literature as a vehicle for personal moral growth, nor for life lessons, etc. Rather, I consider art for art's sake to be the ONLY justification for poetry, literary prose, visual art, music, and any mode of aesthetic expression that the individual sees fit to execute. While I encounter few references to Walter Pater in contemporary literary criticism, I feel that such a lack of pure ENJOYMENT (gasp!) is stifling creativity. Instead of shocking (or attempting, like juveniles, to shock) people, with ever more elaborate torture scenes, or with an homage to a cunt, rather let us strive for beauty: and in Anglo-Saxon poetry the beauty of the person against the world is paramount.

The final stand of Byrtnoth in The Battle of Maldon is an example of an ancient concept of honor that would fit well in our modern world of self-centered, and SELFISH people: such as wives who abandon husbands struggling with addiction, or friends who walk away when one has nothing left to offer ... Byrtnoth gave ground to the invading Danish Vikings, not because he felt sorry for them, but because he knew that his glory would be enhanced by such an heroic, noble gesture. Of course, he lost the batle, but the victory was still his. We read the poem today. Who knows anything about those invading Vikings?

Perhaps a personal note is in order here. I was left alone, in a cruel and unforgiving world by a woman with whom I spent ten years of my life, loving, striving, sharing, bearing joys and sorrows ... only because I love the bottle. Would an Anglo-Saxon hero do such a thing? No. Woman or man, the ancient hero would stick with his or her friend to the bitter end. There is nothing worse than leaving a friend in their direst time of need.

... Bold-tempered chieftain, famed for your deeds, you must defend your life now with all your strength. I shall help you.

(Beowulf, 2665-67, tr. Alexander, my emphasis)

Never have I heard anyone -- ex-wife especially! -- say "I shall help you." No. It was always, "help yourself," "get better," "stop putting us through this." Heroic words those (note bitter sarcasm). The moral weakness of puling moderns is placed in no better contrast when placed along side Anglo-Saxon heroic poetry, or LOTR, in which love for one's fellow knows no bounds, and devotion is an attainment, not a sacrifice. One need only read those works attentively to realize that the love is not erotic, nor romantic, but HEROIC. So what do I mean by heroic?

Many times one will qualify the term 'heroic' with 'ideal.' The heroic life is not an ideal; it is a moral choice. When Beowulf decided to travel to the hall of Hrothgar to slay Grendel, it was a choice, not a demand: which made it all the more glorious. When my ex-wife decided to abandon me to prison and homelessness -- that was also a choice, but it was not glorious. It was a mean-spirited, low-minded, hateful SIN against another human being. Those late nights when I read to her passages from Maldon, Beowulf, Wulf and Eadwacer, Deor, and others (a few of which I have translated) the words passed away like fireflies on a summer's eve. Nothing 'sunk in', as it were. And as I have stated, while I do not consider literature a method of moral development, I DO consider it a force for internal change, for CONTEMPLATION. The Greek philosophers called it THEORIA, and it implied a quiet and relaxed mode of thinking, a manner of engaging with one's emotions devoid of the passions that taint our responses and cause us to do things like abandon those we profess to love.

Never with words would I chide you, my friend, For disgrace was never yours. No retreat Have I ever witnessed.

(Waldere, fragment I., my translation)

Somwhere Lord Byron stated that there is nothing more precious in the world than the unconditional love of a woman. He was speaking of his half sister Augusta, to whom he wrote some glorious stanzas, deservedly so (in my opinion). This passage above, from a very ancient Anglo-Saxom poem -- which I took the unrewardable trouble to translate -- are the words of a woman comforting her battle-weary man. How often have I longed for such words! Weary, beaten, sorrowful ... Nothing but the kind words of a woman could possibly drag me from my 'funk.' Such women exist no more. Yet men who suffer and die alone are plentiful. There are far too many of us.

Something about the so-called Age of Chivalry gives us pause; adoration of women is all well and good, but the neuroses that develop from such a 'preoccupation' often outweigh the benefits. The glory of Woman has been the cause, the bane, and the tiresome topic of poetry for centuries. Petrarch immortalized it, Byron made it intensely personal ... But the immense impact of private endeavor -- loss, longing, despair, TRIUMPH! -- held no place in the Germanic epic tradition. Rather, as Tacitus drily observed, the ancient Teutons cared more for gold than the pleasures of sex.

But there is addiction, and it takes many forms. Desire for alcohol is akin to the desire for a female embrace; and if one has a fetish, she need only remove her shoes to make one forget about anything else. This type of desperate adoration of Woman marks the end of the heroic age (of which Anglo-Saxon poetry stands as a final bulwark) and the beginning of the so-called Age of Chivalry. Now I did not feel particularly chivalrous when I groveled at my wife's feet, begging for sweet release. I DID, however, feel a surge of panicky sexuality that is rare; it is the desire for another ... the hope for a pleasure so powerful that it will overtake you. Yes. The weakness that follows -- indeed, the HELPLESSNESS -- is a testimony to the power of the Goddess. So while it is easy to travesty Anglo-Saxon poetry as masculine dominated, testosterone driven expulsion, one would do well to recall one's first sexual experience (and I am speaking to men). Will you ever forget the time you called out her name, and begged her with all your being: PLEASE DON'T STOP!? I remember it well. And so did the Anglo-Saxon poets.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Circumabulation II.

Sight, Flight, the luck of the draw ...

Somewhere a man existed who made an attempt to raise the human person to the optimum height of divinity. Of course, he met a bad end, but that should not cause us to discolor his work. Never mind. Religious people annoy me.

Eliot, when you wrote: Between the conception / And the creation / Between the emotion / And the response / Falls the shadow ('The Hollow Men,' V.) ... Where are these hollow men, and the ones who write about them? That is, to me, the most telling critique of your work. [Now keep in mind that the only and BEST way of critiquing Eliot is to talk to him as though he were still existing.] ... But I've no wish to critique Eliot. Instead ...

A day came when I fancied myself a poet ... Not to be! Yet there was an intriguing banter proffered by our Eliot: 'Thoughts of a dry brain in a dry season' (Gerontion).

What thoughts! I think I know, my friend ... : When I get sober, I cease to have thoughts worthy of their season. I know no peace. Eliot has failed. Nothing but torment scrapes the dried flesh of our mortal lives. So fuck off, and listen to Mahler.

It is nearly impossible

Yet it is nearly impossible to languish in sorrow when one still has the ability to surround oneself with artifacts of fine minds ... Botticelli on the wall, Bach on the box, volumes of Wordsworth, Keats, Shelley, on the shelf ... Some fragments of philosophy: only those parts that still speak to the person of this moment; forget about immutable human nature (no such thing!) and recall only the trials and tribulations of THIS DAY. Such is the locus of the human frame, which frames a bit of the All, and calls it Life. So my time as a willing slave to the most beautiful of women -- Was that time a waste of my perennially rejuvenating self? Not at all. As I sit here by my window, tapping out these words, I am painfully aware of waste. Not of self, but of time. The major terror of strife is not the danger of the strife itself, but the inevitable deflation that occurs when the strife has ended. Empedocles seems to have known this, for he brought in Love as a balancing force against Strife. Another comforting fiction, this. When I seek the warmth of my beloved's embrace, Strife must depart, and Love must shine ... Yeah, yeah, sappy poetical notion ... But it is a true feeling, as much as feeling can ring with the piercing clink of truth.

Circumambulation I.

When the past reaches out with dessicated tendrils to draw strength from the moist effluence of Life -- we have a problem. I've been reminded (with handcuffs) of some old traffic tickets going back nineteen years! There is still a warrant for my arrest. My response, addressed with force to those neo-nazi cunts, was simple in its elegance, and is as follows: Go perform a painful biological act with thy subservient self!

Release was gained by the force of physical necessity. Apparently, it is against the law to prevent a severely intoxicated person from going to the hospital. So those uniformed pigs went against their nature and shipped me off safely to a comfy spot, where I ate good food, jerked off to nurses, and slept like an anaesthetized bear.

Home again. Much to ponder ... and destroy.

Needless to say, I am now keeping my face out of the main thoroughfares, and buying my booze (and biding my time) through the agency of a trusted other.

My time is bided. A critical crack to the neck will give me great solace. But this is, of course, all fiction. no one should take my murderous fantasies the least bit seriously.

So!

The slackening and sickening of reflective life ... the drained mood of selfish concern ... the purposeless ones meander through avenues leading only to a silent torpor ... the continual maintenance of a persona (knowing damned well nobody cares!) ... the cradling of one's stillborn brats in slitted arms that show like graceless wounds upon a clumsily tortured slave ... the final cudgeon-blow to the head of one's own loves ... the petty excuses, the terror of Night, the hateful face of the Sun ... the growth of a pattern out of all this! -- and Why? Demons don't just dance in mediaeval forests: they circumbambulate right here, in the sad cast-off terrifyingly fucked-up thing we call the present.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

The Consolation of Pessimism

Without someone to love this world is a desert.

~ Mary Wollstonecraft

Many loves but no one great Love. Such is the theme of many great (and not-so-great) poems and novels. The imagined or idealized beloved, such as we find in Machen's novel The Hill of Dreams, or in Richard Crashaw's poem Wishes, subtitled "To His (Supposed) Mistress," demonstrate that the mind is the realm of glorious fulfillment, while the 'real' world is the realm of disappointment, frustration, and finally -- despair. Crashaw's poem ends on this poignant note:

Let her full glory,
My fancies, fly before ye;
Be ye my fictions, but her story.

The best of these types of works leave us with a sense of introspective -- and not unpleasant -- sadness; what the older writers called melancholy. The worst leave us despising the writer as a pathetic sap. Yet they point to a universal experience: that of frustrated idealism -- and it is precisely this which produces the pessimist.

The pessimist despises the world (and for the most part, the people in it) because it exists as it is, not as it ought to be. Daily doses of annoyance, disappointment, and occasionally heartbreak lead the pessimist to resign him or herself to the sad fact that the beauteous mind-wrought realm is nowhere to be found. In so-called love, when I give myself to my partner, telling her things I would tell no one else, sharing myself body and "soul" -- when I do this, I am expecting a sort of eternal state of devotion, of shared existence. When the thing falls apart -- and it always does -- nothing is left but what Milton called "Myself, my sepulcher, a moving grave."

The question, then, is: Why persist in misery? in a walking death? One could easily speak of hope and quote Pope's annoying line about that pointless emotion springing eternal, etc. ... I don't believe in hope. One could also speak of the need for human beings to work together for a better world. However, we are all too steeped in our own self-centered misery and false hope to do so. Schopenhauer wrote, in one of his essays, that anyone, at any time, can find someone in a worse state than themselves. But then, he asks rhetorically, "What does this tell us about the state of the whole (of humanity)?" There is no consolation in simply observing the collective misery of human beings. The pessimist must seek consolation elsewhere.

I find my consolation in the fact that there is no hope, and that those who permit themselves to hope are simply sailing blindly towards temporary bliss, perhaps, but certainly to final, absolute destruction. And I do not mean the grave, but the destruction of all joy, however temporary. I have reached a point where I don't seek even petty loves anymore ... I have given up. My consolation lies in the fact that this is the end-point of life, that the sun is setting, and peace will arrive, sooner rather than later.

This does not mean that I am made of stone, and cannot find some joy, or at least quiet admiration, in watching a sunset or walking along the banks of a placid lake. Nor does it mean that I have ceased to enjoy the embraces of a woman. Quite the contrary. It is the fleeting nature of these things that lends them their melancholy poignancy. Every day is not the same; new things are arising all the time, to capture my imagination. In moments of exquisite loss of self, when a new idea is presented to me, or I meet some interesting person, I forget the evanescence of life and its all-too-brief glories. When I drink, I imagine that my bliss will last forever. Of course, it doesn't. In my occasional bouts of religious devotion -- the height of contradiction, as I am, at heart, an atheist -- I am forced to engage in existential or phenomenological interpretations of my experience, when in fact the devotion is merely an outlet for pent-up emotion.

I believe that emotion rules our lives, that rational thought is an ideal to which none (or perhaps very few) has ever lived up to ... Controlled sorrow is the one ruling emotion of everyone's life: the introspective person admits it, while the extraverted one simply, well, persists in his optimistic engagement with this charnel-house of a world. To know that one is doomed to sorrow is the first step on the road to freedom. When one ceases to place faith in anything but the fading light of sunset, then one has gained liberation from the sunlit world of the damned optimist and his ever-fluctuating hopes and dreams.

Monday, May 26, 2014

Memorial to Marilynn

Edward Moore (c) 2014

Ptolemy's planets, playing fast and loose,
Foretell the wisdom of Copernicus.
Dante calls Primum Mobile, the First Cause:
Love that moves the world and the other stars.

~ Vernon Watkins

I.

Sleep arrives in many ways ... its sources manifold, some peaceful, others terrifying ... The direct moment is the nightmare -- that is a promise: everything, it tells you, has been erased, you are starting over! But then you open your eyes to the pale glow of an early morning room, alone, no one to hold, to tickle, to nuzzle, to love.

II.

Do we ever know what we are? I mean that in a utilitarian sense: How am I capable of being a successful human being? Answer: I am not. My face meets me each day, and it ages, only in the eyes. She aged in her soul. My soul is damaged, ravaged, corrupted, taken captive by the sapping monsters of a dream-life ... I never expected that I would love another human being ... So fucking much.

... I never expected to compare all to Her. The ceiling fan that makes my hair messy ... that makes my beer stale ... So I take some Klonopin ... Must sleep. But no Tinder-Box ... Lonliness cannot be assuaged by drugs, no matter how strong.

There were three: a slut, a self-righteous Mother, and a rock-n-roll monster who wanted to fuck behind a diner in a bad part of Philly. I did it all. Felt like shit, and rolled into a gin-soaked bed at 4:00 AM, weeping over my Loss.

III.

Glory! Oh, the shine of eyes, the glint of a smile ... her pretty toes ... smiles real and feigned ... I had a life with her!!! ...

Whatever powers hold sway in the realms above ... whatever emotions echo and reach to the uttermost ends of human worth ... Let me know a bit of them!

... When the sun sets and the melancholy sets in, and I want her voice, whatever is out there, let her know that I do not just love her ... I think of her, daily, and she has apotheosized into an Aeon of my personal Intellectual space.

Direct speech:

Marilynn, you are the Beauty, the Mind, to which I wanted to connect myself, irrrevocably.

I am broken, a fragment ... a shard ... but there is something left ... a little thing ...

A runt of a kitten struggles to follow his mom, and I give him a hand ... Next thing I know, I have a new pet.

No matter how many pieces of my heart I have to pick up, there is a heart left, and it shows.

I hate that you are missing it.

As I miss you.

My Love.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Stanzas to April

Time and again, my feelings let me know
You and I were meant to walk ...
I like paths that are crooked, difficult, filled with no work of human hands, no destiny but what my imagination crafts, demiurge-like ...
You love the paths that are serene, noble, filled with human experience and effort, the love of Nature's brute force, the joy of experience ... the new, the adventurous, the growing ...
How different we are, yet so drawn.
A sweet brief kiss was enough to remind me that I can easily fall into your gentle grasp ... that I can find no fault with you, ever ... that of all the words and deeds that block connection, nothing can possibly separate me from you.

The lovely curls and the brown daring eyes and the smirky smile that makes me shudder with delight at what I know (?) will never come ... the pretty hand on the cup of tea ... the giggle over something I didn't quite get ... wet streets at night, alone, thinking of you ... a cold bed where your form resides, embraced already, and never, yet the hope ... Shit in one hand and hope in the other and watch which one fills up fastest ... Yet I hope and replace nothing with a dream, at least a notion, an image, a drive in a car ... I brought you a little present, all I could afford, and you didn't kiss me ...

I don't mind. Just don't tell me that you don't feel something ... maybe not love, but a yearning ...

To hold you, just for a moment. Your breath, your sweetness, your Life ...

Everything about you ...

Just for a moment

Friday, May 23, 2014

Complaint to Intellectual Beauty

Edward Moore (c) 2014

God is a concept, by which we measure our pain

~ John Lennon

The heart of the atom with electrons: what is humanity in this cosmos? For him, the last

~ Robinson Jeffers

I.

Minds never connect ... always an obstacle ... Minds run rampant, wild, rigid in their ideas, variable in their notions, exempt from criticism because we just do not criticize anymore.

Heartsick at these demons of slavish love, greasy children in tow, using the most abominable grammar and pretending that this glorious Earth that feeds us all was forced into being only for them! ... Tired to the depth of my slowly decaying being at the track-marked teenagers who never discovered the equivocal beauty of the bottle ... Tired and sore over the men who sleep, drug, fuck, and sap the souls of everyone but themselves ... Tired and complacent at my own lack of desire to change any goddamned thing ...

Awake! at the sound of my own voice creeping in ... Statement to the contrary, from Shelley himself:

I vowed that I would dedicate my powers
To thee and thine -- have I not kept the vow?

~ Shelley, Hymn to Intellectual Beauty

I vowed, so long ago, to devote my life to that which I thought (and now know!) was being stripped from me: my love of Beauty, my idealism, my belief that AGAPH OUDEPOTE PIPTEI (1 Corinthians 13:8) ... my devotion to a woman for whom my entire essence rallied -- only to be defeated, at the end ... Only I did not recognize the end when it came ... such was the source of my sorrow, my self-loathing, defeat ...

II.

But a sunrise on a day with no demands ...a spirited romp into a bad part of town ... a kissing of the toes of a lovely female drummer of a punk band after a long & sweaty concert ... a howling and dismal descent into a bottle of bourbon, to rise again, pistol in hand, awaiting all comers ... Making the name known ... being the one who ... who .... who ...

Only to wake up and say, in a frothy voice: This is not me! To remove the clip, drop the piece, walk, walk, walk ... walk ... to a place of security. ???

No more horse. Freud likened sexual desire to an unruly horse, which one must control. I think of a poem by Jeffers, "The Roan Stallion" ...

III.

I want to be the horse.

IV.

Beauty is momentary in the mind, but it lasts a long damned time in the loins.

Overpopulation, ignorance, dances of death, foul music with no tonal center, escapes that cost more than they're worth ... broken promises that were made at diners at 2:00 AM after a night of feasting on ... Lordship over the vast landscape of life that one perceives when young ... Concerts that bring delight, and others that bring nausea and contact high: difference between Perlman playing Beethoven and Page & Plant ...

The mind is indeed its own place, and makes of life what it will. My complaint is simply this:

I IMAGINE A LIFE THAT I KNOW TO BE IMPOSSIBLE, AND YET I STILL MUST LIVE.

Suicide, of course, is for the courageous.

I am a coward.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Demonstration IV

Edward Moore (c) 2014

I.

He loves to sit and hear me sing,
Then, laughing, sports and plays with me;
Then stretches out my golden wing,
And mocks my loss of liberty.

~ William Blake

Poets agree that Life's greatest gift is Love -- of the all-embracing type. Overwhelming Joy that imprisons us, as we attempt to hold fast the one we love -- knowing it to be only for a season (if that!) ...

Such is the manner of existence the great poets have dubbed melancholy.

... if thy mistress some rich anger shows,
Emprison her soft hand, and let her rave,
And feed deep, deep upon her peerless eyes.

~ Keats

If that rich anger, however, is directed at us, what then? The hand and the heart escape our attempts to hold ... to maintain something which, for us, is still lioving and palpating, like sensual flesh beneath a touch ...

No doubt: for those of us with emotions that froth and foam like hearty beer in a mug!

Philosophers have doubted Erotic Love's ability to raise us to the highest levels of Intellectual Delight.

Plato, of course, in his endlessly ironic Symposium teaches us quite a lesson. A lesson that produces a lesion of the heart.

William Cartwright, in his poem "No Platonic Love" summed up the problem thus:

I climbed from sex to soul, from soul to thought;
But thinking there to move,
Headlong I rolled from thought to soul, and then
From soul I lighted at the sex again.

For years the idealism of Platonism tormented my mind, and forced me into structures of existence which are simply not befitting a healthy young man (now old) ...

I think of Isaak Dinesen's tale, "The Old Chevalier," for some strange reason.

.....

Perhaps someone may help me remember?
Of course, I could simply re-read the tale ...
But who wants to re-read a past life?

I grew old a long time ago ... When others called me young.

The unknowing still do.

II.

I should be glad of another death.

~ T. S. Eliot

Dying is an art, as Sylvia once wrote ...

I, however, don't do it well.

I cling to the little things:

The birds outside my window in the morning,

the poems I love,

the music of Bach (played on period instruments),

and good, strong, coffee ...

.....

To die is to experience what Heidegger called "my most authentic, significant moment, my personal potentiality, which I alone must suffer."

But why alone? Does no one care sufficiently about the stranger in our midst?

When I held my ex-wife close at night, and called her silly pet names, I never thought (for a moment!) that she would ever experience my death.

But she did; for she brought it about.

Alone now I pine, knowing there is no such a thing as a human dove ...

Friday, May 16, 2014

Demonstration I

Edward Moore (c) 2014

Revenge is her motive.

~ Beowulf

I.

Talk of a new life
Conceals apathy
Talk of feelings
Costs money

Watching a bold face
Smile across table
Knowing all the time
That she will demur

When the stark face is shown
A capacity
For evil in which
You ignorantly
Disblieve ...
Then!

Her fingers tighten round my throat
As I recall all the past
I make it a ceremony
Fools like me don't deserve to live.

II.

Forgiveness: a Christian virtue.
She is a barbarian
Ready to cleave spleens and skulls
And make art out of my suff'ring
Does she suffer?
Of course not.

III.

You smile at your spermatic
LOGOS
And ignore love as it works
Intently upon your deadened
Mind.

IV.

Partakers of the repast
They hailed him as the best of men
The fall of their lord cut them
To the quick
They cried
Knowing his love was lost
To the grave
Unburdened was his soul.

.....

edhwyrft

Monday, May 12, 2014

Klonopin, Beer, and a Big Raspy Brrrr of Lip Music (To Thee & Thine)

Dr. Moore

(c) 2014

I.

Tired as I am
Afraid to seek newer worlds
Lest they betray me as the coward
That I am

Not really a coward, just a dissatisfied tyrant
We know

When Dante found himself at the tail-end of hell
When Virgil recommended him to Beatrice

Such things hold no voice in the loud world of our lives

We are alone

~ Edward Moore

Many people claim to love a resounding success story. But what the majority of our sadistic fellows really enjoy is a pitiful downfall from dizzying heights of success and/or happiness (the two not always being concomitant, but that's another topic). When I told my best friend recently about an old love that had (so I thought) come back into my life, he said, "Damn! That's awesome. Let's go grab a beer." However, when the thing fell apart, when the ship went down, my friend was all ears; he couldn't wait to hear all the details of my shattered emotions, my disappointed hopes, my complete loss of confidence in my ability to judge those inscrutable 'signs' that set so many lovers adrift in a sea of pseudo-amorous logoi. I say pseudo-amorous because this lady rightly pointed out that I was, so to speak, in love with an earlier version of her -- of about twenty years earlier. No amount of sound reasoning can allay the onset of violent emotion; no level of insight is capable of kicking the rational principle in our soul into high gear ...

Idealized woman is as old as Homer. In Dante's Commedia, Beatrice was the very pinnacle of femininity deified; the lure of the sexual was entirely absent, for she was (to Dante) a being beyond his ability to possess. Eve, in Milton's unequaled masterpiece Paradise Lost is, besides Satan, the most human; she is, however, overtly sexual (especially in Milton's description of her luscious untamed hair) -- and when she drops the little crown of flowers that Adam made for her, we feel our hearts go out to the poor adoring sod ... and we witness, in the finest poetry ever written, the shattering of the heart that lost or irrevocably altered love can cause ...

Yet at the end of Milton's poem, Adam and Eve walk, hand-in-hand, out into the barren world, where they must endure, together. And we know the rest.

But a question that struck me the first time I read Paradise Lost was: Do Adam and Eve ever recapture anything, even a flitting ghost of a symbol, of their paradisaical love? Genesis, of course, is no help. Milton, as only the greatest of poets do, leaves us to our own imaginings ...

Of course, in the Septuagint translation, we get (in Gen 4:25) the phrase sperma heteron in reference to Seth. The Gnostics made much of this, since heteros can mean "other" or "different," but also "alien," in the sense of absolute other. Sethian Gnosticism owes much to this passage. Our modern sensibilities, which lead us to wonder just how much Adam and Eve loved each other, simply get left to the whirling dust of ages past.

The 'success' of the great epic comes much, much later, with the advent of Christ and His Passion, etc. ... But at the level of merely human life (by which I mean the lives of those of us who seek a warm body to embrace at night, with a mind capable of enduring a bit of Orff's Carmina Burana before the final drooling snuggle of slumber) there is little edification in the Genesis narative.1

A retreat, comforting as it is, into past literature(s), sometimes sets the pained soul at ease, knowing through echoes from the past that others have (if not actually experienced) at least imagined the sufferings that we endure on this very day. Alone.

Sometimes, however, when a hurt, a lacertation, an emotional scourging, is too great to bear, we blacken a pure white screen with words meant for someone we know will never read them.

II.

Serene will be our days and bright,
And happy will our nature be,
When love is an unerring light,
And joy its own security.

~ William Wordsworth

In Alcoholics Anonymous the "Serenity Prayer" is said, constantly. It irritates me to no end. The refrain from The Beatles' song "Across the Universe" ("Nothing's gonna change my world") is far more fitting for lost souls, languishing amidst a beauty they cannot possess. 'Accept the things I cannot change'!!! Bullshit. I then become a machine, processing "life on life's terms" (another favorite saying of those cultish barbaroi) without any 'input' of my own, other than mute acceptance and an impotent humility that turns me into a uniformed officer of the Court of Sobriety. So what then?

Love lost, denied, or given briefly and then taken away ... These are the worst punishments this pathetic life has to offer, especially the latter. Love is no "unerring light," it is an obligation, one that allows the other to make demands upon the weaker partner, by whom I mean, the one who is most in love. Equality, there is none; companionship means nothing more than sharing material burdens. Sex is a relief from stress, not a commingling of two bodies sharing one soul. The beloved has an ethical responsibility to the lover: not to destroy, dishearten, nor even to disappoint. Love raises us up from the level of beasts. But all around me, I see just that: ugly, ignorant, stunted abortions. I severely insulted one of them today, dug deep and even threatened violence ... And I am happy about it!

.....

Happy marriages are simply the result of years of mutual acculturation. How well do I know the one with whom I share my body? A ticklish spot here, a cute little dimple there ... But what of the soul?

Joy is nothing but a myth dreamed up by miserable old folks watching their grandchildren play, and pretending that these brats will grow up to change the world, for the better. Only the leg- and arm-bearing spermata do not. They carry guns and wear uniforms that displace their personality with ideological symbolism, of which most of them know nothing. If I see a yellow ribbon on your SUV, or a "Support Our Troops" bumper sticker, I'm going to cause my old friend the red to flow ...

Great job, you breeders. You've filled the world with sacks of piss and shit, with intellect occupied by sports, vehicles, and bad music ... oh, and gadgets. Let us not forget gadgets.

Security? In the depths of my own mind, especially after some booze and pills.

III.

Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in his hand
Who saith, 'A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be
afraid!'

~ Robert Browning

My ex-wife once told me of a vision she had of the two of us, walking hand-in-hand along the path of eternity. But some drunken ramblings of mine, some blackouts, a bit of the old spitter-spatter, caused her to abandon me, as so many others have done since then.

But God listens. And some time ago, in the deepest despair I have ever known, I said a prayer, in which I handed myself over to Him. I recanted almost immediately. Sincerity, however, is powerful. God doesn't want fearful beings for His world. He wants courageous, self-accepting, loving, idealizing, persistent, intellectual, soft and gentle, compassionate, humorous, lovers of this world ... the glory of which will never pass away. For our memories are eternal. This coming from a chronic alcoholic, who should be dead by now. Thank my Lord that I am typing right now, as angry as I am at ...

She knows.

Notes:

1. Unless one makes the intellectual adventure into Harold Bloom's and David Rosenberg's The Book of J (New York: Grove Weidenfeld 1990). Rosenberg's translation/rendering of Gen 4:28: "Now Adam still knew his wife in the flesh; she bore a son, called him Seth -- [and in the voice of Eve] 'God has settled another seed in me ...'." (p. 68). That, to me, is indescribably beautiful.

Act 17

He seemeth to be a setter forth of strange gods

~ Acts 17:18 (KJV)

I.

Act 17 of a battered life, bestrewn with emotional destruction, an emulation of certain 'greats' notwithstanding an unpleasant vapor exudes from the fabric of my spiritual clothing ... a fine and dandy cloth clothing the self ... torment of the closet ... the space in which the PROSOPON is donned for the sake of those (the royal) we seek to impress (pun intended) ...

Presumptuous ties to another life whisking itself away beneath our tobacco-infused nose ... Streets opening onto a promise long ago drained of significance.

The school at night, a hall, a lack of responsibility and there it was: rip it out, tear it out, take it easy ... There's more where that came from. Brown hair encasing me, there was infinity ... No one expected that morning would bring a hung-over breakfast ...

Rumpled clothing is sexy on a goddess ... Talk of Burgess and the Malayan trilogy ... My eggs came late ... she did not ... Exasperated by the beauty of early morning with momentous appeal ... We danced in the rain on the way home, just to enjoy something ...

I worried about my silk polo, but she did not ... and it went ...

To be placed in an arena of conflict, lovingly, bestrewn with roses on a silk-sheeted bed, rising to the occasion with words taken from several poets and being told 'speak in your own words' and then trying, failing, getting a smile, an embrace and more ... No calloused indifference to personality ...

Speaking in nadsat after reading A Clockwork Orange together ... Not the most romantic of texts, but undeniable evidence of her uniqueness:

JENNIFER

My world, my life, my love ... so long ago ...

A little Edward there might have been. That is over. Hope has departed these lands.

II.

"April is the cruelest month" ... Thus spake Eliot. Sure, it rained a lot. Down went my ship, and with it the hope of renewal, revision, visionary sharing ...

... how lovely to the eyes, lively to the mind. To [the] fruit she reached; ate, gave to her man, there with her, and he ate.

Things have been shared with me: nothing of importance. DEBORAH. Blastings of mouth and muscular ripplings of legs (she ran a lot) ... MARILYNN. Tired requests for massages, 'Did you bring in the mail?' ...

Meanwhile, as the 4th Brandenburgh Concerto played, I donned heavy gloves and saved a poor bat, trapped in our country home ...

III.

Yes, I am a saint ... a saint who drinks, fucks, intimidates the weak, uses big words against the strong -- and thrives.

I linked myself with a pretty little sublunary deity simply because of her boppy blonde curls and efflorescent blue eyes (and slinky body) ... Oh! to my detriment ... LISA.

And I wonder why She (the authentic, autarchic SHE) doesn't love me ...

Who would? I am a draconic riled up purposeless mess of a man seeking nothing but no gainsaying of my proclivities ...

BARBARA. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of loneliness. I remain, however, seeking a hand in mine ... But,

What good woman would give me that?

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Untitled Poem {Deeply Personal}

... Of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: "It might have been!"

~ John Greenleaf Whittier

I met a man with a guitar today, echoes of St. Augustine reverberating in my brain as I walked through town, pleased at the cessation of rain.

The man strummed some clumsy chords, looked sheepishly at me as he faltered ... I said, "Hey, it's a start. That D wasn't bad." He handed me the guit-fiddle and I played a Townshend-style power chord, a nice open E ...

"Know any songs?," he asked.

"A few."

Something of sentimentality set in ... not for the past so much as for an imagined future.

With whom do we share the sensation of our tutelary spirit gently tugging us awake each morning? To whom do we impart the deeply buried treasures of an over-active mind? When do we shut our mouths and let life roll along inexorably to a bang or a whimper or a glorious apotheosis?

I performed "Our House" by CSNY. Bad idea. My tears began to flow when I reached the part about windows like fiery gems, only for you-oo-ooo ...

Fortunately, the day was gray and my tears were more like drops of molten lead than gems. But I suppose my eyes did resemble pearls ...

My voice -- an off-key, Dylanesque voice at the best of times -- faltered and faded and I handed back the instrument, and without a word returned to my bachelor's quarters, with a superfluous book on advanced calculus in my bag. Infinite zero indeed.

.....

What does one do when an old love has vanished, and an even older (more potent) love has returned at arm's length, as one emerges from self-imposed oblivion?

In the clear light of Aurora's infinite forgiveness, do we need an angel, a goddess, or a representative, perhaps, of the chthonic forces that infuse this world -- my world! -- with ascending life?

I know not what I need, but I know what I want. And, with a little courage -- which this over-stimulated, under-estimated man lacks -- I could possibly, probably, maybe, perhaps, with a little grace from above, below, or in-between -- or, better yet, right next to me! -- have ... her.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Paradox I.

Edward Moore, S.T.L., PhD (c) 2014

No one is interested in beings who are perfectly happy.

~ Chateaubriand

The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

~ Lord Byron

There is secular art, and there is religious art. In both, the most moving examples are those that depict extremes of suffering, of tragedy, even of death. Edgar All Poe remarked that there is no theme more fitting for poetry than the death of a beautiful woman. The tragic downfall of beauty is, indeed, the stuff of great poetry. Witness Milton's Paradise Lost, with the transformation of defiant, heroic Satan from a fearless (and many say sympathetic) general of a diabolical army into, finally -- a toad and a serpent. And in the works of Shakespeare, the self-destruction of Hamlet (which occurs long before the hit with the poisoned sword) and the cruelty suffered by doddering King Lear, from his own daughters, affects us far more profoundly than the (to me) largely obsolete comedies. In religious art, both literary and visual, "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God," by Jonathan Edwards, makes for provocative reading, regardless of one's faith or lack thereof. Gruenewald's painting of the Crucifixion, described by J-K Huysmans, in his novel La-Bas, as depicting a "God of the morgue," transfixes the eye of the modern observer in a way that the triumphant Adonis Christs of the late Middle Ages do not. And for a literary example from the relatively recent past, the twenty-first chapter of A Clockwork Orange, by the late Anthony Burgess, which provided a "happy ending" to the unrelieved violence and psychopathy of Alex, made the novel fall flat, and so was omitted from the first published editions, as well as from Kubrick's film.[1] Why the fascination with the unhappy ending, or at least with the imperfectly resolved ending?

(Matthias Gruenewald, The Crucifixion, 1525)

Aristotle, in his Poetics, explained that such works (he was writing specifically of tragedy) serve a cathartic role in our lives, permitting us to purge ourselves of our own violent or anti-social tendencies by watching them played out by others on the stage, in works so powerful it is easy to forget they are fiction. The famous -- or infamous -- sermon by Jonathan Edwards, however, was given in earnest, and caused such an outburst of negative reaction in his congregation that he was, eventually, sent off as a missionary to the Mohicans.[2] Religious art -- and I use that term very loosely, for the majority of religious art is intended to be instructional, certainly not 'art for art's sake' -- is not intended solely to purge us of sinful tendencies by depicting their horrific consequences (as in the works of Hieronymus Bosch, for example) but also to raise up the spiritual part of our intellect to spaces beyond the mundane, and unite us, in imagination, with certain aspects of divine reality that are not readily apparent in nature. Or, sometimes, to remind us that the erotic is never far from our thoughts, even at their most lofty.[3]

(Fra Angelico, Noli Me Tangere, 1445?)

In Christian history we find many equivocal attitudes towards art, ranging from ancient Iconoclasm (which sprang up once again among the more zealous of the so-called Reformers, and is by no means extinct today) to demands that a Christian art must depict only -- and with literal accuracy -- scenes taken directly from scripture (usually the New Testament). Allegory was sometimes frowned upon, in later times, but never banished entirely. Some of the more enlightened and humanistic Christians of recent times, like the Dominican friar Marie-Alain Couturier (1897-1954), did not even demand that a creator of Christian art be a Christian. He said that "all great art is spiritual since the genius of the artist lies in the depths, the secret inner being from whence faith also springs." An atheist in touch with both self and other (the latter meant in the expansive sense of all that one sees in the world: people, animals, trees and flowers, etc.) is more than capable of having a faith, albeit one that does not require a personal God -- nor even an impersonal, clockmaker God, as in Deism. Rather, the faith of the atheist is in the future, which is, as Keats said of joy, ever bidding us adieu.

This is not to say that the faith of the atheist is merely a faith in an eventual utter dissolution, in which the exhausted human mind may finally rest in oblivion. I believe that the future will someday arrive, as a new 'way of things,' so to speak ... And as Faulkner stated in his Nobel Prize speech, we human beings are not meant simply to endure -- for we all are capable of endurance, as anyone who has been sorely tried by sickness, addiction, loss of freedom, loss of love, knows all too well -- but we are meant to prevail. I am not sure over what, exactly. Perhaps over the limitations of our own intellect, morals, ethics ... the things we possess, partially tapped, that are capable of ushering in (metaphorically) the Kingdom of God, as Christ so often declared in the Gospels (see, for example, Luke 17:21: "behold, the kingdom of God is within you"). Faulkner called upon us not to chatter away pointlessly and heedlessly until the end of time, but to overcome the debilitating fear that makes us less than human -- indeed, the fear that makes us animalistic, the fear or anxiety discussed by Kierkegaard, which is purely subjective (not fear for the human race as a whole): the fear that our life amounts, in the end, to nothing.

Admittedly -- and it pains me to write this -- philosophy has little to offer as antidote to this existential despair. Jean-Paul Sartre had great difficulty founding an atheist existentialist ethic, although he did allude, in a footnote at the end of Part III of Being and Nothingness, to some sort of "radical conversion" that will bring about "deliverance and salvation," but he never discussed it. It is doubtful that he had Kierkegaard's "leap of faith" in mind, for we know he chose Marxist communism instead. Richard Rorty, in Philosophy and the Mirror of Nature, described philosophy as "the ongoing conversation of Western Civilization." But to what end? Somehow I am reminded here of Lord Dunsany's haunting vignette Charon, in which the last words of the last man to be rowed across Styx to the land of the dead are simply "I am the last." And then, Dunsany writes: "No one had ever made Charon smile before, no one before had ever made him weep."

Being-toward-death was one of Martin Heidegger's main themes, for he saw death as the most unique, personal potentiality of the human being, something no one else can suffer. The acceptance of death, argued Heidegger, frees us from its terror, relieves us of the anxiety attendant upon thoughts of our demise, and frees us up to become who and what we authentically are. I found this, upon my first reading of Heidegger (so many years ago), to be ridiculous (and still do); the fear of death is a product of our evolution, a guarantor of at least temporary survival in a hostile world. Being-for-others, as Christian existentialists and personalists both secular and religious, would have it, is certainly a more humane and, ultimately, a more dynamic and creative manner of engaging with the world. At the very least, it permits us to love. And we can only truly love that which always, however partially, eludes our grasp.

(Ingres, The Virgin Adoring the Host, 1862)

My heart is like a rainbow shell
That paddles in a halcyon sea;
My heart is gladder than all of these,
Because my love is come to me.

~ Christina Rossetti, A Birthday

Notes:

1. Examples may be multiplied, almost indefinitely. But to mention one more (one of my favorites): Emily Bronte's masterpiece Wuthering Heights -- What are we to make of those two bodies sharing a single soul, Heathcliff and Catherine?

2. While the sermon "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" (preached July 8, 1741) was not directly responsible for his eventual banishment from his congregation, its nightmarish message surely set the tone for discontent. Barely six years later, after cohabitating with a slave-girl named "Venus," Edwards was finally sent off to the Mohicans, by the common consent of his flock.

3. See, for example, Fra Angelico's 'Noli Me Tangere' (1441), or the sublimely beautiful virgin Mary of Ingres. In the literary sphere, one will note the masturbation scene before a statue of the virgin in Umberto Eco's The Name of the Rose.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Specter VI {A Farewell To Specters}

When I consider the short duration of my life, swallowed up in the eternity before and after, the little space I fill, and even can see, engulfed in the infinite immensity of space of which I am ignorant, and which knows me not, I am frightened, and am astonished at being here rather than there, why now rather than then.

~ Blaise Pascal

Sing we for love and idleness,
Naught else is worth the having.
Though I have been in many a land,
There is naught else in living.
And I would rather have my sweet,
Though rose-leaves die of grieving,
Than do high deeds in Hungary
To pass all men's believing.

~ Ezra Pound, An Immorality

I.

There is no salvation in hope; it is an empty style of living which renders the existent mere flesh on the bone, waiting on others, or on some event(s), to inject meaning into the meaningless.

Socrates said "the unexamined life is not worth living." I say, the solitary life is not worth reflecting upon ... Art does not come from a lonely individual in his private chamber, but rather from a walker, a thinker ... a lover.

To wonder why I am in the here-and-now, rather than elsewhere, is to avoid the challenge of forcing meaning out of the void of "thrown" existence, or what the German existentialists called Geworfenheit. I am here to create and to love: that is the only "truth."

The beauty of the beloved, and the clear spectacle of her presence -- no specter! -- is the reality ... the lips that the nihilist kisses and is forced to say, "I refute it thus!": the emptiness of absurd existence, now filled with the truth of Beauty, which is "all / Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know" (Keats).

The gnwsiV that rose up from the abyss, or descended like a coiling snake upon brute unfeeling matter ... The knowledge that returned from a long exile, to re-discover ousia the way the prince re-discovered himself in the Hymn of the Pearl, for example ... That knowledge born of exhaustion and longing, working together to lighten the far edges of an aborted universe, and renew the seemingly lost hupostasis ... Such was the love of Sophia for her accidental offspring, in Sethian Gnostic myth. And it is the love that causes specters to dissolve.

Sidney said that poets gild nature with gold. Lovers lighten the dark spaces, and reveal themselves to that which never sets, as sage Heraclitus once said ... Nature may die so long as the legacy remains ... the light, the gold, the monuments of our own magnificence.

II.

Warm pastoral! Idle contentment after demiuirgic endeavor -- such is the threshold of renewed existence!

When light falters at the end of day, shadows lengthen, bringing that oft-sung melancholy that is more than meaning: it is promise ... for to feel the feathery touch of this world, which we call emotion, is to find ourselves remaining, for a while, still -- and knowing that self is not all there is.

There will be time, there will be time, to embrace a future that is all hope ... It will not bring salvation but the knowledge that the here-and-now is the ground of our being, the 'upokeimenon that permits us to turn metaphysical when brute existence begins to frighten us ... or else to produce "Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears" (Wordsworth).

The fear of death, the crisis of the absurd, the angst that makes life seem like a pointless gesture ... or rather, the realization that life without love, creation, and infinite yearning -- a decision! -- is the cause of angst ... The recoiling from the other ... the retiring of self into private contemplative quarters where art languishes, and with it -- Life ... the motivation to rebel out of a frustrated sense of creative impotency ... the sabotaging of the Good, True, and Beautiful for the sake of a power that is not world-historical but pointless and draining ...

A future there will be, and to it we must answer. Indeed, it is our self that we will be answering to ...

Have you guess'd you yourself would not continue?
Have you dreaded these earth-beetles?
Have you fear'd the future would be nothing to you?

~ Walt Whitman, To Think of Time

Crippling fear of the future is the death of all art and love ... The ancient Stoics, for example, with their theory of eternal recurrence and terrifying ekpurosis, did their best to banish that fear, but it was at the expense of the moral development of the person. Ethics, meaning civic responsibility, may have flourished ... But how often did a Stoic man say to his beloved agape sou? I LOVE YOU.

III.

Hustle and bustle all around ... but two at table ... a pair of brown eyes by dark ringlets framed ... of the softest hair ... The world did not shake, my heart did not pound, but a peace settled upon me as our eyes met. 'Twas the peace of contentment ... No matter what was to come, the immortal gods smiled upon that moment, and it would have been ingratitude of the grossest kind to expect more ... yet more did come ... and shall -- I pray! -- continue ...

All measure, and all language, I should pass
Should I tell what a miracle she was.

~ John Donne, The Relic

Fine metaphysical Donne! Nothing is done ... I shall amend your lines by writing WHAT A MIRACLE SHE IS!

Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.

~ Song of Solomon 1:15 (KJV)