Thursday, May 8, 2014

Untitled Poem {Deeply Personal}

... Of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: "It might have been!"

~ John Greenleaf Whittier

I met a man with a guitar today, echoes of St. Augustine reverberating in my brain as I walked through town, pleased at the cessation of rain.

The man strummed some clumsy chords, looked sheepishly at me as he faltered ... I said, "Hey, it's a start. That D wasn't bad." He handed me the guit-fiddle and I played a Townshend-style power chord, a nice open E ...

"Know any songs?," he asked.

"A few."

Something of sentimentality set in ... not for the past so much as for an imagined future.

With whom do we share the sensation of our tutelary spirit gently tugging us awake each morning? To whom do we impart the deeply buried treasures of an over-active mind? When do we shut our mouths and let life roll along inexorably to a bang or a whimper or a glorious apotheosis?

I performed "Our House" by CSNY. Bad idea. My tears began to flow when I reached the part about windows like fiery gems, only for you-oo-ooo ...

Fortunately, the day was gray and my tears were more like drops of molten lead than gems. But I suppose my eyes did resemble pearls ...

My voice -- an off-key, Dylanesque voice at the best of times -- faltered and faded and I handed back the instrument, and without a word returned to my bachelor's quarters, with a superfluous book on advanced calculus in my bag. Infinite zero indeed.

.....

What does one do when an old love has vanished, and an even older (more potent) love has returned at arm's length, as one emerges from self-imposed oblivion?

In the clear light of Aurora's infinite forgiveness, do we need an angel, a goddess, or a representative, perhaps, of the chthonic forces that infuse this world -- my world! -- with ascending life?

I know not what I need, but I know what I want. And, with a little courage -- which this over-stimulated, under-estimated man lacks -- I could possibly, probably, maybe, perhaps, with a little grace from above, below, or in-between -- or, better yet, right next to me! -- have ... her.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Paradox I.

Edward Moore, S.T.L., PhD (c) 2014

No one is interested in beings who are perfectly happy.

~ Chateaubriand

The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

~ Lord Byron

There is secular art, and there is religious art. In both, the most moving examples are those that depict extremes of suffering, of tragedy, even of death. Edgar All Poe remarked that there is no theme more fitting for poetry than the death of a beautiful woman. The tragic downfall of beauty is, indeed, the stuff of great poetry. Witness Milton's Paradise Lost, with the transformation of defiant, heroic Satan from a fearless (and many say sympathetic) general of a diabolical army into, finally -- a toad and a serpent. And in the works of Shakespeare, the self-destruction of Hamlet (which occurs long before the hit with the poisoned sword) and the cruelty suffered by doddering King Lear, from his own daughters, affects us far more profoundly than the (to me) largely obsolete comedies. In religious art, both literary and visual, "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God," by Jonathan Edwards, makes for provocative reading, regardless of one's faith or lack thereof. Gruenewald's painting of the Crucifixion, described by J-K Huysmans, in his novel La-Bas, as depicting a "God of the morgue," transfixes the eye of the modern observer in a way that the triumphant Adonis Christs of the late Middle Ages do not. And for a literary example from the relatively recent past, the twenty-first chapter of A Clockwork Orange, by the late Anthony Burgess, which provided a "happy ending" to the unrelieved violence and psychopathy of Alex, made the novel fall flat, and so was omitted from the first published editions, as well as from Kubrick's film.[1] Why the fascination with the unhappy ending, or at least with the imperfectly resolved ending?

(Matthias Gruenewald, The Crucifixion, 1525)

Aristotle, in his Poetics, explained that such works (he was writing specifically of tragedy) serve a cathartic role in our lives, permitting us to purge ourselves of our own violent or anti-social tendencies by watching them played out by others on the stage, in works so powerful it is easy to forget they are fiction. The famous -- or infamous -- sermon by Jonathan Edwards, however, was given in earnest, and caused such an outburst of negative reaction in his congregation that he was, eventually, sent off as a missionary to the Mohicans.[2] Religious art -- and I use that term very loosely, for the majority of religious art is intended to be instructional, certainly not 'art for art's sake' -- is not intended solely to purge us of sinful tendencies by depicting their horrific consequences (as in the works of Hieronymus Bosch, for example) but also to raise up the spiritual part of our intellect to spaces beyond the mundane, and unite us, in imagination, with certain aspects of divine reality that are not readily apparent in nature. Or, sometimes, to remind us that the erotic is never far from our thoughts, even at their most lofty.[3]

(Fra Angelico, Noli Me Tangere, 1445?)

In Christian history we find many equivocal attitudes towards art, ranging from ancient Iconoclasm (which sprang up once again among the more zealous of the so-called Reformers, and is by no means extinct today) to demands that a Christian art must depict only -- and with literal accuracy -- scenes taken directly from scripture (usually the New Testament). Allegory was sometimes frowned upon, in later times, but never banished entirely. Some of the more enlightened and humanistic Christians of recent times, like the Dominican friar Marie-Alain Couturier (1897-1954), did not even demand that a creator of Christian art be a Christian. He said that "all great art is spiritual since the genius of the artist lies in the depths, the secret inner being from whence faith also springs." An atheist in touch with both self and other (the latter meant in the expansive sense of all that one sees in the world: people, animals, trees and flowers, etc.) is more than capable of having a faith, albeit one that does not require a personal God -- nor even an impersonal, clockmaker God, as in Deism. Rather, the faith of the atheist is in the future, which is, as Keats said of joy, ever bidding us adieu.

This is not to say that the faith of the atheist is merely a faith in an eventual utter dissolution, in which the exhausted human mind may finally rest in oblivion. I believe that the future will someday arrive, as a new 'way of things,' so to speak ... And as Faulkner stated in his Nobel Prize speech, we human beings are not meant simply to endure -- for we all are capable of endurance, as anyone who has been sorely tried by sickness, addiction, loss of freedom, loss of love, knows all too well -- but we are meant to prevail. I am not sure over what, exactly. Perhaps over the limitations of our own intellect, morals, ethics ... the things we possess, partially tapped, that are capable of ushering in (metaphorically) the Kingdom of God, as Christ so often declared in the Gospels (see, for example, Luke 17:21: "behold, the kingdom of God is within you"). Faulkner called upon us not to chatter away pointlessly and heedlessly until the end of time, but to overcome the debilitating fear that makes us less than human -- indeed, the fear that makes us animalistic, the fear or anxiety discussed by Kierkegaard, which is purely subjective (not fear for the human race as a whole): the fear that our life amounts, in the end, to nothing.

Admittedly -- and it pains me to write this -- philosophy has little to offer as antidote to this existential despair. Jean-Paul Sartre had great difficulty founding an atheist existentialist ethic, although he did allude, in a footnote at the end of Part III of Being and Nothingness, to some sort of "radical conversion" that will bring about "deliverance and salvation," but he never discussed it. It is doubtful that he had Kierkegaard's "leap of faith" in mind, for we know he chose Marxist communism instead. Richard Rorty, in Philosophy and the Mirror of Nature, described philosophy as "the ongoing conversation of Western Civilization." But to what end? Somehow I am reminded here of Lord Dunsany's haunting vignette Charon, in which the last words of the last man to be rowed across Styx to the land of the dead are simply "I am the last." And then, Dunsany writes: "No one had ever made Charon smile before, no one before had ever made him weep."

Being-toward-death was one of Martin Heidegger's main themes, for he saw death as the most unique, personal potentiality of the human being, something no one else can suffer. The acceptance of death, argued Heidegger, frees us from its terror, relieves us of the anxiety attendant upon thoughts of our demise, and frees us up to become who and what we authentically are. I found this, upon my first reading of Heidegger (so many years ago), to be ridiculous (and still do); the fear of death is a product of our evolution, a guarantor of at least temporary survival in a hostile world. Being-for-others, as Christian existentialists and personalists both secular and religious, would have it, is certainly a more humane and, ultimately, a more dynamic and creative manner of engaging with the world. At the very least, it permits us to love. And we can only truly love that which always, however partially, eludes our grasp.

(Ingres, The Virgin Adoring the Host, 1862)

My heart is like a rainbow shell
That paddles in a halcyon sea;
My heart is gladder than all of these,
Because my love is come to me.

~ Christina Rossetti, A Birthday

Notes:

1. Examples may be multiplied, almost indefinitely. But to mention one more (one of my favorites): Emily Bronte's masterpiece Wuthering Heights -- What are we to make of those two bodies sharing a single soul, Heathcliff and Catherine?

2. While the sermon "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" (preached July 8, 1741) was not directly responsible for his eventual banishment from his congregation, its nightmarish message surely set the tone for discontent. Barely six years later, after cohabitating with a slave-girl named "Venus," Edwards was finally sent off to the Mohicans, by the common consent of his flock.

3. See, for example, Fra Angelico's 'Noli Me Tangere' (1441), or the sublimely beautiful virgin Mary of Ingres. In the literary sphere, one will note the masturbation scene before a statue of the virgin in Umberto Eco's The Name of the Rose.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Specter VI {A Farewell To Specters}

When I consider the short duration of my life, swallowed up in the eternity before and after, the little space I fill, and even can see, engulfed in the infinite immensity of space of which I am ignorant, and which knows me not, I am frightened, and am astonished at being here rather than there, why now rather than then.

~ Blaise Pascal

Sing we for love and idleness,
Naught else is worth the having.
Though I have been in many a land,
There is naught else in living.
And I would rather have my sweet,
Though rose-leaves die of grieving,
Than do high deeds in Hungary
To pass all men's believing.

~ Ezra Pound, An Immorality

I.

There is no salvation in hope; it is an empty style of living which renders the existent mere flesh on the bone, waiting on others, or on some event(s), to inject meaning into the meaningless.

Socrates said "the unexamined life is not worth living." I say, the solitary life is not worth reflecting upon ... Art does not come from a lonely individual in his private chamber, but rather from a walker, a thinker ... a lover.

To wonder why I am in the here-and-now, rather than elsewhere, is to avoid the challenge of forcing meaning out of the void of "thrown" existence, or what the German existentialists called Geworfenheit. I am here to create and to love: that is the only "truth."

The beauty of the beloved, and the clear spectacle of her presence -- no specter! -- is the reality ... the lips that the nihilist kisses and is forced to say, "I refute it thus!": the emptiness of absurd existence, now filled with the truth of Beauty, which is "all / Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know" (Keats).

The gnwsiV that rose up from the abyss, or descended like a coiling snake upon brute unfeeling matter ... The knowledge that returned from a long exile, to re-discover ousia the way the prince re-discovered himself in the Hymn of the Pearl, for example ... That knowledge born of exhaustion and longing, working together to lighten the far edges of an aborted universe, and renew the seemingly lost hupostasis ... Such was the love of Sophia for her accidental offspring, in Sethian Gnostic myth. And it is the love that causes specters to dissolve.

Sidney said that poets gild nature with gold. Lovers lighten the dark spaces, and reveal themselves to that which never sets, as sage Heraclitus once said ... Nature may die so long as the legacy remains ... the light, the gold, the monuments of our own magnificence.

II.

Warm pastoral! Idle contentment after demiuirgic endeavor -- such is the threshold of renewed existence!

When light falters at the end of day, shadows lengthen, bringing that oft-sung melancholy that is more than meaning: it is promise ... for to feel the feathery touch of this world, which we call emotion, is to find ourselves remaining, for a while, still -- and knowing that self is not all there is.

There will be time, there will be time, to embrace a future that is all hope ... It will not bring salvation but the knowledge that the here-and-now is the ground of our being, the 'upokeimenon that permits us to turn metaphysical when brute existence begins to frighten us ... or else to produce "Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears" (Wordsworth).

The fear of death, the crisis of the absurd, the angst that makes life seem like a pointless gesture ... or rather, the realization that life without love, creation, and infinite yearning -- a decision! -- is the cause of angst ... The recoiling from the other ... the retiring of self into private contemplative quarters where art languishes, and with it -- Life ... the motivation to rebel out of a frustrated sense of creative impotency ... the sabotaging of the Good, True, and Beautiful for the sake of a power that is not world-historical but pointless and draining ...

A future there will be, and to it we must answer. Indeed, it is our self that we will be answering to ...

Have you guess'd you yourself would not continue?
Have you dreaded these earth-beetles?
Have you fear'd the future would be nothing to you?

~ Walt Whitman, To Think of Time

Crippling fear of the future is the death of all art and love ... The ancient Stoics, for example, with their theory of eternal recurrence and terrifying ekpurosis, did their best to banish that fear, but it was at the expense of the moral development of the person. Ethics, meaning civic responsibility, may have flourished ... But how often did a Stoic man say to his beloved agape sou? I LOVE YOU.

III.

Hustle and bustle all around ... but two at table ... a pair of brown eyes by dark ringlets framed ... of the softest hair ... The world did not shake, my heart did not pound, but a peace settled upon me as our eyes met. 'Twas the peace of contentment ... No matter what was to come, the immortal gods smiled upon that moment, and it would have been ingratitude of the grossest kind to expect more ... yet more did come ... and shall -- I pray! -- continue ...

All measure, and all language, I should pass
Should I tell what a miracle she was.

~ John Donne, The Relic

Fine metaphysical Donne! Nothing is done ... I shall amend your lines by writing WHAT A MIRACLE SHE IS!

Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.

~ Song of Solomon 1:15 (KJV)

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Specter V

I am Defeated all the time; yet to Victory I am born

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson (Journal K, 1842, # 283)

There are many who labor under the delusion that life is simple, that all one must do is be honest, work hard, take care of family, and cause no harm to others. Yet life is more complex than we would wish. Regrets are buried, only to rise at the darkest hours of our life to overtake us ... Guilt for wrongs done to others (intentional or not) invade our psyches like potent vampires, reducing our well-filled intellect to a husk, a dessicated rind of nous left to rot unused and unremembered.

How can one forget one's mind? It happens all the time.

A man hardly knows how much he is a machine, until he begins to make telegraph, loom, press, and locomotive, in his own image. (Emerson, Conduct of Life, Part 2)

This act of making, which reduces the role of the human to a mere function, causes the mind to forget itself. How often have we heard someone say "I get lost in my work"? Rarely do we hear anyone say "I have discovered something new about myself!" This discovery of self (which IS possible!) is difficult; and there are those who seek shortcuts. I am such a one. My shortcut has been alcochol which, to quote Bob Dylan, "levels my head and eases my mind." Yet it nearly killed me. Defeat was closer than I ever thought possible. Victory is a promise -- but like all promises, there is always the possibility that it may prove empty.

Service to others is the popular mode of exorcising the demon; yet there are those who dwell alone in this world, for whom the other is, as Sartre put it, hell. Loneliness demands that the mind turn in on itself, in what sometimes amounts to a morbid preoccupation with one's own thoughts. Yet this preoccupation, or (as I prefer to put it) self-reflection or theoria ("contemplation"), is necessary if one wishes to preserve what is essentially human in us: the life of the mind, the creative impulse, the Byronesque self on the mountaintop, defying the world with one's own glorious defeat.

That being said, I disagree with Emerson that the Crucifixion was a defeat, however glorious. It was indeed a victory of the highest order. For this world is chaotic, purposeless and poisonous to the sensitive, self-reflective person. Christ with His defiant love is a model for those who know that defeat is inevitable, and that victory is nothing more than a noble defeat, a conquest of this world by a rejection of its mindless machinery.

Monday, March 31, 2014

Specter IV.

On Listening to Sibelius on a Wild and Windy Night
{Substitute for Spectre IV.}

I.

There I walked, and there I raged;
The spiritual savage caged
Within my skeleton, raged afresh
To feel, behind a carnal mesh,
The clean bones crying in the flesh.

~ Elinor Wylie, "Full Moon"

Power cannot produce purity, no more than artifice can craft Truth. Anyone who has listened to the violin concerto of Jean Sibelius -- and listened with attention -- will understand this statement. The gentle, lachryomose lines of the first movement quickly give way to a violent outburst of emotion, a calculated effort to draw the listener into a world of angst ... Calculation, yes ... But no deception. This piece is one of the most honest compositions I've ever encountered. I attempted to perform it as a youth. I stumbled on the platform, scraped and missed several arpeggios ... oh

well.

Time and again my feelings let me know ... there is a power raging inside of me ... a force destructive, personal, and constitutive of my life ... I prevail because I am pissed off. That concerto rages until the end, when the silence overtakes the exhausted violinist ... The silence not of the grave but of the burnt-out soul, which hastens to its end, but not with a whimper ... a BANG!!!

II.

... ill doing ... or loss or lack ... or depressions or exaltations,
They come to me days and nights and go from me again,
But they are not the Me myself.
~ Walt Whitman, "Song of Myself" (4).

Crackles of the heart, phone calls, explanations, seeking understanding, a rage of emotion, an analysis that breeds only scorn ...

She keeps herself at home, with a sweaty body in the bed that used to be mine: Whore of a Woman! Death be upon you!

No: Love keep thee,
and let me know it again.

You fucking slut.

III.

A terrible grazhny vonny world, really, O my brothers. And so farewell from your little droog. And to all others in this story profound shooms of lip-music, brrrrrr. And they can kiss my sharries. But you, O my brothers, remember sometimes thy little [Edward] that was. Amen. And all that cal. ~ Anthony Burgess, A Clockwork Orange (slightly modified to include MY name) She rots in my mind like a fester ... She sticks in my maw like a poppy seed that causes irritation ... She scrapes my shit along the toilet at 3:00 AM and expects me NOT to drink. Bolshy yarblockos to that witchy whore! At the mid-point of my life ... Dante-esque ... If I wanted Love I'd have it now. Are you out there, you cosmos-shattering disgrace to femininity? No. You have someone else's sweat in your bathrobe. April is indeed the cruelest month -- and to ME the cruelest Name. She knows her power and revels in it. I know my weakness ... And accept it. Shantih shantih shantih

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Specter III. {Justification}

I.

She would like someone to speak to her,
And is almost afraid that I
will commit that indiscretion.

~ Ezra Pound, "The Garden"

Timid women excite me. The trembling smile and quivering lips ... the blush and the quick turn-away ... Such a compliment!

How can it be that I inspire such reaction? I with the the alcoholic face and the darkling eyes ... The sullen rapport of self with self ...

Yet it happens.

Time and again the season lets me know the extent of ability, the reason behind the rhyme, the law of nature exhibiting a portal of solace to an abandoned soul. If there were no more women in the world, I would curl up beneath a tree in the park, gin bottle in hand, and slowly die, a death of peace and quiet contemplation ... A peace unknown to man since this garden began.

Contemplation: in the ancient Greek, qewria, a term reminding us of God, qeoV, and indicating that the highest form of thought is the turning of the mind towards Divinity. But there is no divinity, just a crackling field of energy extending far beyond the parameters of human thought.

We drag this energy with us, into the most unlikely and inauspicious of territories. At least I do. A pretty intern smiling down at me as I am pumped full of vitamins. Good. Let me live, even though I agree with my darling Sylvia: "Suicidal, at one with the drive / Into the red" (Sylvia Plath, "Ariel" 29-30).

Tired, lonely, and bored: such is the life of the mind in the age of quickness and effects. Chausson speaks to me, in his lonely poem for violin ... The exhausted drift of the melody as it forces the violin almost to the dramatic intensity of the human voice ... He knew.

II.

I don't know what
Po' weary me can do.
Gypsy says I'd kill my self
If I was you.

~ Langston Hughes, "Bad Luck Card"

Poe said that the most moving and effective subject for poetry is the death of a beautiful woman. We wish death upon those we love because we do not want an other to possess them! It is that simple. But a more mature manner of living dictates something more honorable ... Exit. The last statement of a soul in torment. Fine. But what of the impression? If I make an exit in any way undignified ... If I step into the void with no love to guide me to the destination ... Then what?

Exhaustion causes all kinds of maladies of the mind ... Excess of vision, a torment bordering on a cry for salvation ... Never!

Missing the point is natural; gaining the prize is superhuman, and insupportable. Solon said that happiness can only be gauged at the end of life. So why strive for it in youth, or middle age? We are all, as Pascal said, chained in a dungeon awaitng death.

Easily it may come. III.

I dewyne fordolked of luf daungere
Of that pryuy perle wythouten spot.

~ The Gawain-Poet, Pearl I. 11-12.

Indeed. To languish alone is the fate of many ... However, it is worse for the intellectual, who knows the extent of his emotional power, and the manner in which it shaped the lives of others. It would be impossible for me to sit in my room and watch sports all day, drinking cheap beer and eating chips ... It works for some, but not for me! Someone told me recently that my reclusive nature is selfish, that I need to get out into the world and share myself again ...

But I miss my pretty pearl without a spot.

Friday, March 28, 2014

Another pseudo-Haiku

A bright painting on a wall
My mind forgets itself
But only for a moment